Breakups are terrifying to me. I absolutely hate seeing one of my sisters depressed after being dumped by her current dream guy. I get to a point where I feel helpless to the recovery cause when all she’ll do is lie on the couch in the informal living room, watching The Notebook on repeat and drinking box after box of wine. I can’t even deal when we actually do try to bring her out, and we find her sitting in some corner booth crying into her drink and trying to text her ex.
We’ve all been there though, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t. I got so bad after breaking up with my boyfriend sophomore year my bestie actually confiscated my phone when I was in the vicinity of vodka. Regardless of how we deal with getting dumped, or however long it takes for us to do so, it’s of the utmost importance that we exercise extreme care and caution when handling the next phase of our lives: the rebound.
Elisabetta Canalis (you know, the super thin, super gorgeous, Italian super model that dated George Clooney), is going through the worst rebound scenario in the world right now. Basically, the God among men that is George Clooney dumped her, she got voted off of Dancing With The Stars, and then she dated Steve-O. Yes, Steve-O from Jackass. I understand that this embodies rock bottom, but it gets even worse because Steve-O has recently dumped Elisabetta and she is a total mess right now.
The art of the rebound is that it can be the excellent final stage in break up recovery, but it’s important to remember that it is still part of the recovery; you aren’t fully healed yet. Most girls go for a rebound that seems a little bit below them (hence, why Elisabetta went from dating a God among men with perfect salt and pepper hair to a man who once let an alligator bite his nipple), which ensures that he will worship her every move and will never ever break her heart as the past boyfriend did. Essentially, she will always have the upper hand, which is both reassuring and empowering. But what happens when the boy, who was supposedly the only guy that would never leave her, does just that? It’s a train wreck. I absolutely believe that Elisabetta is not a mess because she’s actually upset about losing Steve-O. I think she’s a mess because she can’t believe that someone like him would break up with someone like her. Her self-esteem must be in the gutter right now, and I’m actually feeling for her.
A rebound can be a great experience, but it’s important that you approach it with caution. If you’re a total mess, your new boyfriend will see that, regardless of how middle-tier his house is. If you let yourself become so tragic that you get dumped twice in a row, nothing good will ever happen.
It’s not smart to date someone/get emotionally invested with anyone until you’ve re-invested in yourself emotionally. We could all learn a few things from Elisabetta’s scenario; if you aren’t ready for a new relationship and are dating someone for the sole purpose that he isn’t your ex, you’re just setting yourself to have your torn-out heart blended up into tiny, pathetic pieces.
My advice? After a breakup, you need to be going out, working out, eating healthy (DO NOT let yourself succumb to the single girl 6 lb gain, and DO NOT stop eating because you’re so depressed…you’ll only gain the weight back in all of the wrong places), wearing sunscreen, and putting your energy into things to make you a better person. You should want to attract the best, not someone who’s safe.
And never date a man who once let an alligator bite his nipple. Duh.