Members of the Greek community are both admired and mocked for many of the same reasons. While future employers may respect our ability to balance a heavy duty academic, philanthropic, and social schedule, others see our charitable donations as a means to cover up for the many other less-than-respectable activities in which we participate. No matter which way you look at it, you have to admit that we know how to fuck up maximum possible shit while looking recruitment ready at any given time. It’s called rallying, and it’s an artform, really.
I consider myself an expert in rallying. It all started when I was a freshman in high school. I was at a wedding. I have a huge family, between the ages of eight and eighty, and they all know how to party. I take pride in our lineage. We own a little piece of property in Cape Cod (by a “little piece,” I mean a three story house, two guest cottages, tennis courts, two boats and a private beach), where the ceremony and reception took place. My cousins and I were tapping kegs and stealing bottles from behind the bar in our bridesmaids and flower girl dresses. Let’s call it family bonding.
It didn’t take me very long to realize that, as fun as it may be to black out, the world keeps spinning around you and when you’ve had enough, you can feel it. The show must go on, and so must you.
1.) The Puke and Rally
The puke and rally has gotten me through some of the most memorable nights in my life. You drink too much and have a semi-browned-out epiphany that you’ve crossed the line. The night is still young and you know you’ve already had way too much to continue functioning at full capacity. Initiate a puke and rally scenario, and you might be able to make it from the pre-party to the actual party.
2.) The Nap and Rally
This one is especially important in the warmer months, when poolside day-drinking is in full swing. If you skip class to start raging outdoors at 11AM, how can you expect to keep the party going after the sun goes down? It’s as simple as these three steps: Feed yourself, set an alarm for two hours later (maximum), and sit your ass down. You’ll feel rejuvenated and ready to rally in no time at all.
3.) The “Oh Shit, I Need To Study” Rally
You’re at the frat across the street, it’s a typical Tuesday night, you’re listening to the kind of music those boys don’t like, but not a soul can rock a flip cup game like you do. Then it hits you. OH SHIT. YOU HAVE AN EXAM TOMORROW. Panic not, my friends. Go home immediately. Eat something absorbent like salted crackers. Chug a Diet Coke and get to work. You are in the earlier stages of drunkenness so there is still time. Skip the flashcards. Making new study materials takes forever. Instead, whip out a sheet of paper and write down as many vodka-induced mnemonic devices to help you remember the materials. I have many years of anecdotal evidence that this works. You can go back to the party and worry about it when you wake up an hour earlier in the morning. Your professors would truly be impressed if they knew.