Intramurals might seem harmless. It’s a few groups of people playing a sport they enjoy for the fun of it. Maybe that’s true for other intramural teams, but Greek intramurals are much, much different. Intramurals are intense. It’s a status symbol. Winning intramurals (like winning any Greek-wide competition) says “my sorority is better than your sorority,” and sorority girls will do anything to secure their place at the top of the Greek hierarchy. It’s not fun — it’s a competition. For those of you brave enough to have an intramural team, these are the types of girls your team will be made of.
The High School Athletic All-Star Girl
This girl is trying to relive her glory days. She was a jock in high school, but didn’t quite have enough game to continue her legacy into college. Her volleyball serve will makes yours look like absolute garbage. She’s a ball hog in soccer and wouldn’t dare pass you the ball. The worst part is: she knows she’s good. Compared to the rest of you, she could be an Olympian. She’s the only player the opposing team is watching out for. They actually feel bad for the rest of you. She’s super competitive and plays to win, unlike everyone else.
The “I’d Rather Be Anywhere Else” Girl
This girl was dragged here by a sister she’s close with. Probably the athletic one (see above). She’s not the worst player or the best. She can bump a volleyball no problem and maybe make a lay-up every once and a while, but she has an essay due tomorrow and that’s all she can think about. She could care less whether the team wins or loses, just as long as she’ll make it to her 9:00 tutoring session.
The Helpless And Uncoordinated Girl
This girl makes it a point to participate in any and all things sorority, including intramurals. She has no skills whatsoever, but wouldn’t miss an XYZ event for the world. When people saw that she signed up, everyone rolled their eyes and groaned. This girl has difficulty walking up stairs, let alone playing a sport. It’s only the second game of the season and she’s managed to have a volleyball hit her in the face three different times. There’s no hope for this girl. The athletic girl wants to cut her from the team, but is constantly reminded that that’s not a thing.
The Ex-Cheerleader Girl
You either love or hate this girl. She’s got a little too much pep in her step and walks out on the court like she owns the place. In between every play, she is clapping or doing some sort of chant. She even makes it a point to do cartwheels and flips on the sidelines. She’s dressed head to toe in sorority apparel, complete with bows in her hair and a flawless face. The other team is so obviously annoyed by her existence, but she continues her ways because “We got spirit, yes we do! We got spirit, how bout you…” STFU.
The “I Pre-Gamed This” Girl
This girl always tries her best to come to sorority events, just not sober. After a few mixed drinks and maybe even a few shots, she laces up her shoes and heads out on the court. This girl’s drunken state of mind has her feeling like an all-star. “Watch out world, it’s my turn to serve and I’m gonna put you bitches in your place!” as the ball doesn’t go anywhere near over the net. She has the most fun and looks forward to making a drunken fool out of herself weekly. Every other sister loves being entertained by her, until the one week when she pre-games a little too hard and has to leave the game to find the nearest bathroom. Rookie.
The Show-Off Girl
This girl knows that where there’s a gym, there are weights and where there are weights, there are boys. She is only attending these stupid games to find her next fling. She wears the shortest shorts she owns and the tightest tank top. After every move she makes on the court, she takes a full 360 degree look around to see if any cuties were watching. She is actually so distracted in her attempt to show off, that she ends up looking like a mess. The ball constantly drops right at her feet while she’s too busy checking out the guy doing pull-ups. Her attempts at picking up a guy have failed every week, but she has no intentions of giving up, as much as her sisters wish she would.
May the best sorority win..