Insert obligatory disclaimer about how we all really love each and every one of our pledge sisters here.
Let’s face it: some girls just suck. Regardless of how great a girl looks on her rush calling card, there are some personalities that just don’t mesh together, and that’s a fact of sorority life. Every pledge class winds up with a few legacy duds, that goes without saying, but even aside from the girls who obviously only got a bid because their parents donated half of the renovations made on the house, there are still girls who are horrible to go out with.
1. The Mega Slut
I like the occasional drunken dance floor makeout as much as the next girl, but the mega slut goes beyond the normal limits of party punch induced penetration. She’s usually really fun to drink with, but only until pre-gaming is over. This girl comes with more drama than is ever fun or necessary, because she has literally hooked up with EVERYONE. She’s impossible to bring out because she’s always running from her (25) most recent hookup(s). Forget going to any frat, because there’s a good chance she’s probably temporarily banned from whichever house you’re heading to.
2. The “Classy” One
Yes, I get it. We all represent something much bigger than just ourselves when we accept a bid, but this is college, and it’s a time for all of us to be reckless, and stupid, and a little sloppy from time to time. This girl is more than likely on e-board, meaning on Sundays, when you’re all trying to recover from the debauchery of the weekend, she’s easier to find in the study room than in the informal living room watching Mean Girls with the rest of you. She’s fine, I guess, but she’s always way more concerned with keeping up appearances than having a good time. It’s a little weird to have never gotten out of control, but I guess we all need someone to say things like “she’s too drunk, find her a sober ride,” or “Pearls, I don’t think you need that 11th shot of Burnett’s.” Bitch.
3. The Girl With A Serious Boyfriend
Even girls with boyfriends can be an acceptable degree of fun, but it usually only lasts until the clock strikes horny and she decides she needs to go shack with her boyfriend. It’s as if the past four hours recklessly hoovering down shots of cheap vodka together meant nothing to her once her man texts her to let her know her presence is required. There is no one worse to be stuck with if it’s just the two of you, because she’s mastered the art of leaving early. Of course, she’ll always extend the invite for you to join her, but we all know there’s no way in fuck you’re third-wheeling her on her sexcapade. No thanks. You’ll pass and have the pledge drop you off at the house, ending your night far sooner than anticipated.
4. The Stoner
Every pledge class has one, don’t try to deny it. This girl is usually non-commital towards any type of Greek-related activity aside from socials, and she doesn’t really bother anyone because she’s so good at floating under the radar. She doesn’t seem like much of a rager, but that’s because she prefers to set her poison on fire rather than ingest it in liquid form. She’s not terrible to go out with until she decides she has to smoke again. She will stop at nothing to satiate her need for weed. It’s a hobby that usually means you’ll accompany her to a moderately sketchy, mid-lower tier fraternity house or a definitely sketchy, off-campus GDI house while she picks up her bud and leaves you to your own devices. This will probably result in you passing out in a pile of leaves outside her drug dealer’s dorm, because you’re pretty sure a blunt isn’t the only thing she intends to put in her mouth that evening.
5. The Insecure One
Looking as hot as possible every time we go out is an obvious goal, but sometimes you just need to make an ass out of yourself. While there are probably five or fewer party themes that you can’t slut up, there is the occasional event where an absolutely hilarious and ridiculous costume is necessary. When this occurs, the insecure one is worthless. She won’t let herself have fun, because she’s too worried about needing to look hot. Instead of going all out for Halloween, she’ll tease her hair the tiniest bit, throw a little bit of glitter on her eyes and say, “Guys! I’m Ke$ha, duh!” She’s never down to black out before your favorite fraternity’s powderpuff football philanthropy, because she’s too worried about looking ridiculous in knee socks, Norts and a stupid t-shirt. It sucks, because she could be fun, but she won’t let herself be. She’s too worried about what other people think, and everyone know that the secret to any successful night out is not giving a single fuck.