Ah, sweet summertime. It’s a season dedicated to hanging out on a sandy shore, sipping a margarita on the rocks with salt, having your nose filled with the smell of sunscreen and ocean, and checking out the eye candy playing touch football not so far from you. I love summer.
Unfortunately, for the majority of us, this fantasy only happens a few weeks out of the season, because life isn’t fair. If your parents are anything like mine, they aren’t okay with you sitting on the couch as you binge watch “Real Housewives” and “Orange Is The New Black.” They want you to “be productive” and “get off your ass.” Whatever. To help you decide what job you should pursue this summer, here’s a list of the top jobs you can get.
Folding clothes, putting things away, staring aimlessly into space, and daydreaming of beach days is what retail workers come to know day in and day out. Even though it seems awful and boring, there are a few upsides. Number one: you get an employee discount. My friend worked at a Lilly store and got a sweet discount she used for the annual sale. The girl would come back with her car bursting with dresses, shirts, pants, skirts–everything you could imagine. It’s also pretty easy to network into the eventual field you want to end up in. Talk to your higher ups about your interests in marketing, public relations, and so on. Small talking with your customers can reveal some information, too. Every person is a new possible connection. Just try not to die of boredom.
Ah, the minimum wage babysitter. Okay, that was a little mean, because this can actually be a really chill job. Watch kids from afar while texting your summer fling and take some cool field trips and pool days? Doesn’t sound half bad. The kids all look up to you, and if you really don’t give a fuck, they will think you’re the coolest for letting them get away with seconds at snack time and staying out at the playground a little late. Make them happy and they’ll make your life a lot easier. This job is perfect for E-board wannabes, because you get to tell people what to do. Granted, they’re a lot younger, but hey, practice is practice, right? Personally, I love when I hang out with my friends who are camp counselors, because they have THE BEST stories.
It’s hard to bash this job because when I’m not writing sarcastic and booze-related articles for TSM, I serve people margaritas and grande chimichangas. It’s not glamorous and it’s not that great, unless you like being talked to like you’re a second class citizen and being yelled at because the refried beans and rice aren’t on the same side. The cash flow is totally worth it, though. Nothing feels better than walking out with more than $100 in your pocket after a crazy dinner rush. This job will teach you how to tip your fellow food service workers an appropriate amount (20 percent, please), how to multitask like a pro, how to make small talk, and how to bullshit. You’ll also find out that no one else parties as hard as people who work in the food industry. Just sayin’.
This is the job I always wanted. You literally lie in the sun all day and get tan by a pool. And you get paid. Sure, it might be boring, but when you get bored, just blow your whistle, yell “adult swim,” and float in the pool while small children give you the world’s worst stink eye. This is as close to the summertime daydream as you can get. Like, seriously, become a lifeguard. I’d rather be bored and tan then busy and pale. But hey, who asked me?
Let’s be honest, nannying is a upscale babysitter. It’s like having children but you can leave them at the end of the day–a test drive for motherhood, if you will. You’d be surprised how much people will pay for you to watch their brats, and you’ll still feel shortchanged. Watch out for nanny cams, because apparently those are very real, as discovered by my friend while she was chowing down on some peanut butter and oreos the mom had in her pantry. You’ll roll in the dough, but you’ll be too exhausted to spend it on drinks. (Hello online shopping!) If you can deal with children for longer than 30 minutes, maybe being a paid mommy–I mean nanny–is for you.