The 14 Stages Of Modern Friendship

The 14 Stages Of Modern Friendship

Becoming real-life friends is much harder than one would think. I mean, growing up it was easy. You played with Barbies together and BAM! You’re friends. Now, though, it’s a little more complicated. Here are the steps you must take to turn a stranger into your true soulmate.

Go Drinking Together As A Group
Whether she’s a sorority sister, a co-worker, or just a friend of a friend, the first step involves a large group of people, a fun setting, and a gross amount of shots chased by gossip and shit talk.

Go To Brunch As A Group
After passing the drinking in a group test, the next obvious step is basically like the morning after in the dating world. You get a group of people together for brunch and invite her along. Sure, there’s still plenty of alcohol and shit talk, but in the daylight setting, you’ll be able to see how she functions when she’s not completely blacked out and what her tolerance is for taking a million pictures.

Grab Coffe/Get Pedicures/Grab A Drink
The first time hanging out sober-ish is a big deal. And the first time hanging out one-on-one is an even bigger deal. Sure, you chose something that was quick, like grabbing a drink, seeing a movie, or getting your nails done, but it’s the first time you have to carry on a conversation and look her in the eye sober. Does it feel like a first date? Yes. Can it make or break the friendship? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Follow Each Other On Social
Like exchanging numbers, but much more important. The moment when you can see inside her social life is the first moment when you bare your souls to each other. Does she have a good follower to following ratio? Does she hashtag a zillion and one times? Does she *gasp* use the filters on Instagram?

Hang Out One-On-One Together
Finally, after getting drunk together, sharing socials, and managing a quick “get to know you” date, it’s time for the real deal. Your first time truly hanging out together. Maybe you go shopping. Maybe you play with puppies (read: exploit their cuteness for your own social media gain). Hell, maybe you just sit on the couch and talk. Whatever it is, it’s the first true time you’ve just hung out for an extended period of time. While alcohol *can* be involved, it isn’t the focal point of the event. I know. Shit’s getting real.

Hangout Out One-On-One More Than Once
Consider this your second, third, and fourth dates. It’s going great, you’re telling each other more, and your text conversations are starting to get weirder and more fun. Ah, young love.

Share A Bathroom Stall Together
Something happens when two drunk girls go into a bathroom stall together. They immediately start hooking up. (Kidding. Not that it doesn’t happen, but it’s not an every time thing). No, going into a bathroom stall together and having those random, drunken pee conversations is the equivalent of giving each other friendship bracelets. It’s finally starting to turn into something ~serious.~

Share A Bed
Whether you’re in a hotel, having a sleepover, or just got too drunk to drive home, sharing a bed is, naturally, a huge step. You see each other in your ugly ass clothes. You deal with drunken snoring. You have to figure out how to exist the next morning. It’s a big moment in any relationship, friendships not excluded.

Stalk Each Other On Social
There’s a difference between just following each other and friend-level stalking. You’ll like a picture posted by a semi-friend if you follow them. Usually. Unless you’re jealous. Still, for the most part, if you come across it and it’s like-worthy, you’ll give it the ole double tap. Good friends, however? You handle those people a little differently. They’re your most commonly searched profiles, not only because you’re in an absurd amount of pictures, but because you need to check every few days to ensure that you didn’t miss anything they posted. Because what’s the point of being friends with someone if it doesn’t mean guaranteed Instagram likes?

Meet Her Family
Sure, introducing your SO to your family is important. But introducing a good friend? That’s an even bigger deal. Odds are, this person knows more about you than anyone you’ve ever dated, and the chances of them sticking around are far greater. This is the girl who could potentially stand by your side on your wedding day and hold your leg up when you push a baby out of your vagina. Your family liking her is absolutely vital.

Warn Her Significant Other To Be Nice To Her
You know, that guy she started seeing who could be great but could also totally fuck her over? Yeah, that SOB. You know it’s not your job to make sure he doesn’t hurt her, but it also kind of is. When you feel protective to the point that you have to threaten his life if he ever hurts her, you know a lifelong friendship is well in the making.

Do Something Gross For/With You
Zit popping? Sure thing. Plucking an ingrown hair? Amateur hour. Anything involving bodily fluids or functions? Done and done. When you start getting gross, like really really gross around and in front of each other, that’s when all bets are off. You trust this person to love you even when you smell like garbage and look like a drowned rat. If that isn’t love, I’m not sure what is.

Become Part Of Each Other’s Families
Your mom has her number and texts her memes. Your dad books her flights to visit “just because.” Your extended family asks where she is if she’s missing during events, and she’s just as comfortable in your home as she is in hers. She gets her own drinks at your house, and you stay up late watching movies with her family long after she goes to bed. She’s so integrated into your life that you can’t imagine what home, the holidays, or your family looked like before her.

Become Number One For Life
When a friend is no longer a friend, but truly becomes your person, that’s the stuff of dreams. Sure, we can talk about finding our better half, getting married, and riding off into the sunset. But what about the friend who was there helping you send texts to your future spouse, holding your wedding dress as you pee, and watching you ride off into the future with a full heart? That’s your true person. That’s your true best friend.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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