You learn a lot in college. You learn that you really need to drink water so you’re not hungover in the morning. You learn that boys don’t always text even if they say they will. And you learn that sometimes Cs don’t actually get degrees. But when you’re trudging through your undergrad, trying to figure it all out, there are a few rules to adhere to that will help you not only have the best time possible, but also help you make it out alive and (somewhat) unscathed.
1. Always Order Pizza
Nothing is better than coming home from a night filled with bad trap remixes, sweaty boys, and sticky floors then ordering an extra large pizza. Melted cheese while you’re drunk is better than taking your bra off after a long day. That’s just a fact.
2. Don’t Put Off Laundry Until You’re Completely Out Of Clean Underwear
Putting away your own laundry is hell. Screw folding but having clean clothes makes you feel like a better person. Seriously, doing your laundry before you’re forced to wear a high school homecoming t-shirt with bleach holes in it makes you feel and seem more together to the outside world. Or at least it will make you a little less homeless.
3. Hoard Pictures
Don’t worry about how you look in said pictures, but take them. Take secret photos of your hungover friends, ratchet selfies peeing in gross frat bathrooms, and whatever else you can think of. Looking back on all the questionable decisions of your past will make you weirdly nostalgic in the years to come. Enjoy the mess, just don’t post the photos of you holding a giant bottle of plastic vodka. You think it’s cool. Standards does not.
4. Don’t Drink And Text
Your ex-boyfriend will get six missed calls, old neighbors will get “u ups?” and if you’re really unlucky, you might text your semi-cute lab partner saying “hey” with multiple ys. You’ll wake up your with your shoes on and a deeper hatred for yourself than you ever thought was possible.
Disclaimer: If you do drink and text, always delete the evidence before you sober up.
5. Get A Little Bit Ready For Class
Or just brush your hair. At least brush your hair. Okay?
6. Wear Converse Out
Heels are for pictures, weddings, formals and your own funeral. Heels are not for floors that are forever coated in cheap beer and the ghosts of other girls who drunkenly slipped. Wear shoes that you can have fun in instead of looking like a baby deer learning to walk.
7. Invest In The Essentials
Ugly Christmas sweaters, an oversized men’s dress shirt, a pair of booties, one nice black romper or dress, and something tight and bright should get you started. Ugly Christmas sweater parties are the most fun you’ll ever have. Booties make you look more polished and you can wear them on pretty much any occasion. A nice black outfit makes you look skinny and put together and you can wear it to 99 percent of events you attend. No one will call you out for repeatedly wearing a black dress like they will for always wearing the same floral romper. And you didn’t go to college if you didn’t attend at least one tight and bright party. Buy it all now, thank me later. Sorry, bank account.
8. Call Your Mom Every Sunday
Seriously. She misses you. She pushed you out of her vagina. Blah blah blah, just do it. Plus when you make that call we all make at least once a semester begging for money she’ll probably be a lot nicer about it.
9. Make friends Who Actually Like You
Find friends you can form bonds with — beyond just partying and taking Instagram pictures. Not that partying and taking Instagram pictures with someone is a bad thing, but it’s not the only thing. Find girls who will yell at boys who break your heart, who give you a hair tie when you had one too many vodka sodas, and who celebrate every victory you have. Those are your bridesmaids. Hold onto them. And hold their hair back when they need you to.
10. Do You
College is the time to figure out who you are as a person. There’s no right way to do college and there’s no wrong way to do college. Change your major, go out, stay in, kiss lots of boys, kiss no boys, kiss girls, learn how to speak Spanish, drop Spanish, make fashion mistakes, try weird foods, dye your hair pink. Whatever you do in college will lead to you becoming who you are, so try a million different things. Except bangs. Don’t try bangs..
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