That Time I ER And Rallied


In my time as a collegiate partier, I perfected the Nap and Rally and the Puke and Rally, but my arguably greatest achievement was the ER and Rally.

It was the last weekend before finals, and my roommates and I were studying drinking Coronas in the sunshine on our front lawn when our frat friends called us up to invite us to their day fade. We hurried inside to change into our swimsuits and quickly grabbed a bottle of Pinot Grigio for the road, because what goes better with day drinking than a cheap-ass bottle of wine? As we walked closer to the frat house, we could faintly hear the sound of our favorite spring term anthem echoing off Greek Row, and when we rounded the corner, a giant inflatable water slide and soap-infused slip n’ slide came into view. We knew were in for a good time.

After hastily snagging three red Solo cups and casually sipping chugging our cheap wine, we braved the waterworks while our favorite frat tunes played in the background. We were repeatedly taking turns on the inflatable slide with our frat boys of choice, when I decided to take my competitive nature to the next level and race my FBF (frat best friend) down the slip n’ slide. Unfortunately, our running start was a little too ambitious because as soon as I hit the slippery tarp, I couldn’t stop myself from my inevitable disaster. Not only did I get muddy, soapy water in my eye, but I also went flying down the tarp, off the grass, onto the sidewalk, and skidded to a painful stop on my back before reaching the curb. Drunk as I was, I laughed it off, unaware of how much pain sober me would be suffering through later.

Embarrassingly, everyone saw this go down and simultaneously cringed as my FBF peeled my bruised, bleeding body off the sidewalk and carted me inside. As I walked to the bathroom to assess the damage, I noticed my eye was completely bloodshot and was starting to sting. Ignoring my injuries, I coped the only way I knew how – taking shots. After becoming sufficiently drunker on some random guy’s whiskey, my roommates and I decided to walk back home to prepare for the bars and the night ahead.

I took out my contacts and rinsed my increasingly painful eye one more time, but I realized it was quickly swelling and something was probably really wrong. Logically, I decided a nap would provide a miraculous cure. My friends were prepping for round two at the bars when I awoke and finally determined my eye was infected and I needed to see a doctor immediately. My token sober roommate (who had done the “responsible” thing and stayed home all day) drove me to the emergency room while the others were pre-gaming.

I soon received some antibiotics, and although my day fade hangover was just starting to hit me, my eye was swollen shut, and final exams were looming in a few days, I decided to YOLO my life away, because who gets another final weekend of senior year? Upon returning home, I threw on a top that wouldn’t irritate my torn up back, the glasses I barely wore to 8 am finals, let alone to the bars, and some bright lipstick to distract from my nasty eye. I arrived to the bar just in time to catch up with my friends for a round of drinks, and we cheered to our final week of our college careers. We rounded out the night shutting down three bars and making it home in the early hours of the morning.

I don’t want anyone to think I’m warning you to be less drunk and more careful while attending outdoor social events. Nope, the moral of this story is to never let anything get in the way of living it up during your last week of college, or any good party for that matter. By all means, get as shitfaced as you’d like, but it might be a good idea to have a sober friend around just in case you need to ER and rally.

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