Warning: Contains season 6 spoilers. Duh.
Let me just start by saying that Sansa Stark is possibly the most shit-on Game of Thrones character. Her life has been a non-stop reel of unwanted suitors that won’t end, despite my weekly meditations in which I’ve been sending her some serious ginger love. Thinking back on her romantic record is like reliving the month after your most serious breakup, when you went batshit crazy and hooked up with some seriously rancid man meat in an attempt to cure your broken
Let’s recap for a second. First, Sansa is promised to a prepubescent psychopath who decapitates her father and tortures her for shits and gigs. Next up, a handsome knight who she doesn’t realize is as gay as the day is young. Then she’s thrust into a marriage with the previously mentioned schizo’s dwarf uncle, who is actually a really decent person, but still scares the shit out of her. Then there was that brief stint where we all cringed at the thought of a potential union with her dweeby kid cousin, Robyn, who has the world’s most punchable face.
But none of these guys were as bad as Ramsay. Ramsay was just your average guy who enjoyed the small things in life, like skinning people and feeding newborn humans to dogs. Ramsay should’ve thanked his lucky stars his dad was dumb enough to marry him off to Sansa, but instead, he repeatedly beat and raped her in her own home. He also cheated on her with a crazy pauper bitch, conspired to murder the remaining members of the Stark family, and locked Sansa in her bedroom like an animal.
Now, obviously the vast majority of our crazy ex-boyfriends are not as bad as Ramsay. Ramsay didn’t maintain what most people would define as a normal level of mental stability. He was a special kind of human garbage that actually made some of our biggest mistakes look like decent human beings — and that includes the guy who told me I was prettier when I didn’t talk. But relative to the guys who we’re usually smart enough to surround ourselves with, who hold open doors and then proceed to grab a healthy handful of ass just for good measure, you have to consider your crazy ex as somewhat of a Ramsay in this world. Especially if he didn’t even have enough decency to look like Lord Bolton shirtless.
Which brings me to my point: Sansa killing that mega douchebag by feeding him to his own dogs was a win for every girl who has suffered the wrath of a crazy ex. That ending was what we’ve all been waiting for, and Lady Stark’s creativity did not disappoint. I only wish we could all experience the satisfaction she must have felt watching a pack of dogs devour his face, at least on some scale. Too few of us get to properly tell off our lousy exes, and this bitch got to do it by politely informing him that he and his house are going to be forgotten forever once she’s done MURDERING HIM BY DEATH OF PUPPY CHOW. We may not have the balls or the legal ability to kill or even punch the guys who’ve fucked us up, but the good people at HBO have us covered for life. Now we can just pop that scene on every time we’re reminded of the has-beens who genuinely believe that it’s not cheating if you’re in different zip codes..
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