I used to love Taylor Swift. Then I hated her. Then I loved her again. And then the cycle repeated itself a few…hundred…more times. I couldn’t figure it out. I loved her songs, I loved her music, I loved her stories, but I hated her. I’d listen to her albums and be all like, “Fuck yeah! Go Taylor!” and then I’d see her the next day accepting an award and I would want to climb through my TV, slither up onto the stage, and strangle her until her doe eyes popped out of her head. It was like being in a relationship with a bipolar schizophrenic. One minute I wanted to hug her, and the next I’d want to slap the shit out of her. It was exhausting.
And this is why when “1989” was released, I felt as though this seemingly never-ending cycle was finally over. Haters (myself included) be damned. Taylor Swift was finally likable. No longer was she pretending to be a virgin. No longer was she pretending to be innocent. No longer was she pretending to even be liked by everyone. Praise Jesus, she had finally come into her own. She had embraced pop music and shed her good girl image. She had become someone we didn’t want to hit.
…or so we thought.
Well, joke’s on us. Taylor Swift is up to her old tricks. And by “tricks,” I mean she still sucks. Great.
In the most classic “I still think I’m in high school and am a fucking See You Next Cuntsday in sheep’s clothing” move ever, Taylor Swift got an Angel fired from the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show because–you guessed it–she was “mean” to her. Cue the eye rolling.
I’ll be honest, I don’t plan on watching the show because I don’t particularly feel like hating myself more than usual. I did, however, watch last year’s show and OMG was it painful. In case you missed it, here’s the most honest ever synopsis: a bunch of skeletons walked around in lingerie, then Taylor Swift
sang haphazardly moved her lips along while a CD played in the background as she performed, and the show ended with the Angels and Taylor being all like, “OMG we’re best friends 4 EVA!” even though you know those skitches (skinny bitches) talked more shit behind her back than all of Taylor’s graduating class combined. So, yeah. That was basically the show. I’m also assuming that is what this year’s event will also entail…well, save for one less Angel.
Jessica Hart–the fallen Angel, if you will–was reportedly asked not to return to the coveted runway after she spoke “ill” of Taylor’s presence at the show last year. What did she say, you ask? Oh, just that Taylor “didn’t fit in” with the actual models. What a cunt. Obviously bitch needs to pay.
And pay she did. Or, rather, not get paid. Because Taylor ensured that Jessica’s career as a Victoria’s Secret Angel is a thing of the past. Per the NY Daily News:
“It’s not been announced that Jessica is not walking, but it was a direct request from Taylor that this be the case if she were to go. No one can know that Taylor requested Ms. Hart not be in the show; they want to keep that under wraps but that’s the facts.”
Okay, Taylor, here’s the thing: you’re an adult now. Like, a real live grown-up. A taxpaying, Medicare contributing, full-fledged big girl. And, contrary to what you might think–and to what your 17-year-old boyfriends tell you–it’s time to start acting like one..
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