A visit from Nationals is no fucking joke. She says she’s there to help, but it sure doesn’t feel like it. She’s like the stepmom that tries to be cool, but will also ground you for a month because you were “being fresh.” She will welcome you with a huge smile, and after introducing herself and exchanging some witty banter, her mood will swiftly switch from interested to interrogating. Her short fuse is lit as soon as she gets there, and it’s every member’s job to make sure she doesn’t explode. Here are some tips to get you through the weekend:
Don’t Be On Council
If there’s ever a time to not be on council, beside always, it’s during national visits. The stick up your president’s ass will be lodged so high up, she will need to get it surgically removed. It’s like one of those “Untold Stories Of The ER” when the guy comes in complaining about stomach pain and the x-ray shows a collection of Hot Wheels cars. There is an unsurmountable pressure put on these mere mortals and the entire chapter’s fate is in their manicured hands. Hard pass.
Be On Time
Don’t be that girl. We all know you are going to be late, but use our doubt as motivation. Let it fuel your hate fire. You are queen of showing up late with a half-drunk Starbucks cup in one hand, while the other one is slowly pushing up the sunglasses that are falling off of your face. For once in your life, live in everyone else’s time zone instead of creating your own. Get yo’ bitch-ass to the meetings you need to be at, and it will just makes everyone’s lives easier. Pls & thx.
Know Your Shit
You are definitely not studying for that test on Monday, so look over your sorority’s info and ritual. You are going to look like a complete ignoramus if you are the only one who is mouthing the words to songs everyone went over 27 times. The woman from nationals has every right to take away your chapter’s charter if no one knows their shit. Why are you even here if you can’t even name your sorority’s colors? If you are going to be a part of something so significant, know what it is beyond the fact it gets you laid. It totally does, but still.
Dress Like A Contributing Member Of Society
For the love of all things good and pure, dress like your grandmother is marrying the pope inside of a preschool in a wedding that will be attended by your future mother-in-law(s), and afterwards you will be interviewed for your dream job by the President of the United States. It’s impossible to take someone seriously if they don’t take themselves seriously. Nationals visits are incredibly important, so acknowledge it. Put on a professional outfit, run a brush through your hair, and apply makeup to your face as well as that hickey that you got “by accident.”
Keep your asshole clenched and your head down. It will all be over soon..