We’ll start with Sundays, obviously. A time for rest and relaxation, and more importantly, pampering. Since you are physically incapable of leaving the house on Sundays, your boyfriend must cater to your every need. You might think this is bogus, but then you remember, Sundays are for payback. If he complains, you simply remind him: “I didn’t see you at all yesterday. You were with your friends all day. I need some ‘us’ time.” Case closed, or relationship over. He can pick.
Mondays and Tuesdays are the absolute worst days of the week. The stress of a new work and school week can be overwhelming and soul-crushing all at the same time. You have to cover Rachel’s shift today, your English professor just mutilated your rough draft on the significance of Game of Thrones in modern society, and of fucking course, it’s recruitment season. How can so much stress fall on one tiny specimen? This is where you need your boyfriend to help take some of the load. And by that, I mean cheer you up, and also be your punching bag because you can’t take it out on your boss, or your English teacher, or the President of your sorority.
By WednesdayThursday, ahh, socials. You’ve finally made it through a tough week, and although Thursday is definitely not a part of the weekend, in college, it totally is. Themed parties are the best. What is also the best, free alcohol. Thursdays are for the girls, baby. I mean, these boys throw parties specifically for us to come over and drink with them. Or, to come over, drink with them, and then make out with them, but who’s going to get snappy over the logistics of it all?
And last but not least, Fridays are, one hundred percent, for the girls. Friday nights are for plandids. They are for listening to “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” on repeat. They are for sexting cute boys. They are for getting drunk and dancing like no one’s watching. For living, laughing, and loving. And for getting so blackout drunk that you forget tomorrow is Saturday and your boyfriend is going to be an ass clown all day. Fridays are a girls best friend.
And so the cycle continues. So instead of crying over the fact that Saturdays, sometimes, have to be about the boys, smile because every other day of the week is about the girls. And you can still have fun on a Saturday! In fact, you almost have to! Go out and get more drunk than you were on Friday to mask the fact that your boyfriend can and will ignore you all day. Flirt with strangers, because at the end of the day, we all NEED attention. Your boyfriend knows that, and if he’s not there to give it to you, you must find someone who will. It’s basic human anatomy.
Okay, who am I kidding? Saturday’s are for the fucking girls. And don’t let these boys forget it.