Stupid Questions Guys Ask: What’s Your Number?


Boys are dumb. This is not earth-shattering news. It’s a fact that the female population has been acutely aware of since the era of cave people. We love boys so we deal with their stupidity. We’ll try to argue with them and force them to see the error of their ways. However, after constant back and forth, all we’re left with is heightened blood pressure and our man texting his friends about how ~crazy~ we are. Instead, just save yourself the aggravation and admit that there are certain idiotic questions that guys will always ask.

I hooked up with a guy casually on spring break this year. The second night we hooked up, both of our friend groups were all postgaming in his room. Keep in mind that earlier in the night my guy and I had dipped early to go fuck in the kiddie pool, so that’s the level of classiness I was rolling with that week. Anyway, there’s maybe ten or so of us in the room drinking, smoking, and partaking in the usual spring break debauchery. All of a sudden, somewhat out of nowhere, my guy rolls over as I’m hitting the blunt and point blank asks me, ”How many guys have you slept with?”

What the actual fuck?, I thought to myself while I was trying to keep from choking on an aggressively large toke. Whenever a guy asks me this question, I’m honestly so confused. In my head I always think to myself, I let you put it in my ass the first time we fucked, do you really want to know the answer to that question?

But seriously, what do guys expect? I could go on and on about how many guys you sleep with shouldn’t matter and I wholeheartedly believe that that’s true. But the fact remains, if a guy asks you this question, no matter how self-assured you are, you’re going to lie. As far as the general public knows, my body count has been eight for the last four years and even that is considered *high*. God forbid anyone actually knew my number.

I have to believe that guys know we are lying. It’s like when we ask a guy if this dress makes us look fat: while it sounds like a question, everyone knows that there is really only one acceptable answer. The same goes with admitting how many dicks you’ve had the pleasure of being disappointed by. Maybe you really have only slept with five guys but more often than not, I call bullshit.

I’ve heard all the reasons why having a high number is bad: you’re dirty, you have no self-respect, your vagina is loose, etc… I could point out the fallacies in these arguments but it’s really not even worth my time. People, douchey guys and catty girls, are going to think what they are going to think and more often than not, nothing I say, or write, is going to change that. That’s fine. I’m not asking anyone to buy into the idea that you’re number doesn’t matter (although it doesn’t). All I’m asking is for a guy to not basically ask me to lie right to his face. Allow me to keep my integrity and you can go on thinking I’m an innocent, virginal angel who was just #blessed with the ability to suck your dick like a pornstar.


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Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at:

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