There are a ton of birth control options out there, but the newest trend in birth control comes straight from the deep blue sea. More specifically, seaweed. You know, that icky stuff that floats in the water and when it touches you, you freak out? It turns out that seaweed also scares semen away.
The headline is a bit misleading because you don’t actually shove a bundle of seaweed up your fish fillet before making whoopie with your fresh catch of the day. This birth control isn’t a pill and it’s not a Nuva ring wrapped in seaweed — it’s actually tiny little implantable beads that effectively trick sperm into binding with them instead of an egg. These seaweed beads basically catfish sperm and block the sperm from finding the real egg and impregnating you.
“The beads work by mimicking a human egg,” reports NewScientist, “a trick that persuades sperm to bind to them.” The foolish sperms then pathetically attempt, and fail, to impregnate the beads, which are implanted directly in a woman’s womb. According to the journal Science Translational Medicine, this could act as a “dramatic” barrier to sperm.
The beads are derived from seaweed and are incredibly small — nearly eight million can fit easily in your womb. The beads are coated in a protein called ZP2, which is what causes sperm to want to bind to it. This mermaid birth control is a tricky little bitch… or maybe sperm are just that stupid?
Scientist have already begun testing these little sperm-swindlers in mice, and the results were incredible. “Researchers found that no mice became pregnant, even though they were mating regularly,” the Telegraph reports.
The best part about these little beads is that they are hormone-free. There are so many women out there who can’t take regular hormonal birth control because of the crazy side effects. As of now, there are only a few non-hormonal forms of birth control so having something like the seaweed beads could really change the game for mermaids (and mere mortals) who like to fuck.
Could seaweed beads be the new pill? It’s a strong possibility. We’ll still have to wait awhile to see how these little balls perform in humans, but if it’s good enough for mermaids it’s good enough for me. .
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