Stop What You’re Doing: The New Diet Coke Will Have Calories

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The ultimate white girl struggle has finally arrived. For years and years, we’ve known our insides were rotting away and growing tumors from the mass amounts of zero-calorie diet soda we consume on a daily basis. Now, the future is here. Coca-Cola has just announced new the Coke Life using Stevia, instead of the aspartame rat-poison we’ve all grown to know and love. The downfall? Coke Life still has calories.

Coke Life will launch this fall in a new, green can that befits its leaf-sweetened sugar substitute. It will have 1/3 less sugar than the original red cans, rolling in at a grand total of 89 calories per can (otherwise known as 89 more calories than Diet Coke).

This new Coke Life was created to promote a healthier lifestyle, but of course that sparked a new slew of questions for me. Do I care more about being healthy than about saving 89 calories? How much aspartame can I drink before I literally die? What IS aspartame? What can I even eat for 89 calories? What could I DRINK for 89 calories? Will this new green can even match any of my koozies?! The questions are limitless…but the amount of Coke Lifes you can drink without getting fat isn’t. Sorry Coke Life, but it looks like my Diet Coke addiction isn’t going anywhere for now.

[via Daily Mail]

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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at

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