Maybe you’ve made some bad decisions at Starbucks in the past. Perhaps you’ve splurged on cake pops and regretted the calories or went on latte binges that involved more stalking than studying. Maybe you ordered a Pumpkin Spice Latte when it was obviously red cup season. Now, you can finally make some real bad decisions, because Starbucks is rolling out a liquor-soaked happy hour. Best of all? When your parents see the charge to Starbs, they won’t realize it’s because you’re pouring alcohol down your gullet, not fueling your caffeine addiction.
Starbucks is going to start selling alcohol in thousands of stores. And the best news is that if the barista cuts you off, you can always walk across the street to another Starbs. They will sell wine and beer, and they’re announcing a menu that starts after 4 p.m. with evening noms like bacon-wrapped dates, truffle mac, and chocolate fondue. Now Starbucks really is the perfect locale for awkward Tinder dates everywhere.
Not only is Starbs creating happy hour, but they’re partnering with Oprah. She announced a celebrity-endorsed tea, Oprah Chai, with proceeds going to her Leadership Academy for Girls. Everything Oprah touches turns to gold, which means her Midas touch will empower you during finals. Before you get out your fake, know that the rollout will take a few years, as it will at first be limited to urban areas. By the time you make your move to New York to be Blair Waldorf, a Starbucks happy hour will be waiting for you.
Not only is Starbs making moves on the alcohol front, but they’re becoming more mobile-friendly. Get your gold card ready, because starting soon, customers can tip baristas using the app. They’re also testing order ahead options, which sounds like a dream. Instead of waiting for what feels like hours behind a poor intern loaded down with frappuccinos, you can grab and go–which also means you can no longer use your complex coffee order as a reason for being late.
While wine and beer are fine, I won’t rest until I can get a liquored-up Pumpkin Spice Latte professionally, not through Pinterest. After all, that would be the best way to disguise your drinking problem adult beverage in class, at chapter, or in the stacks. Starbucks introducing happy hour is proof that sorority girl dreams do come true. Soon, we’ll be able to decode our not-boyfriend’s texts, chocolate will no longer have calories, and tequila won’t cause hangovers, because this proves that anything is possible and magic is real. Watch out.
[via Washington Post]
Image via Waleg