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Some Schools Are Talking About “Legalizing” Sorority Parties And The Possibilities Are Literally Endless

Sorority Parties

I recently spent a Sunday completely vegging out and recovering from God knows how many nights in a row of raging my damn face off. I can’t go hard in the paint 24/7 anymore, because the FDA made it illegal for me to inject myself with Ryan Seacrest’s blood for energy. As I lay on my couch in a comatose state, I flipped through the channels and found one of my all-time favorite movies on TV: Animal House. It’s arguably the funniest and greatest movie that has ever been made. I couldn’t help but notice that so many themes of Greek life still hold true from the ’60s, which was when the film was made. Not the lingerie pillow fights, OBVIOUSLY (wink, wink) but so many other things, including the fact that all parties were held at the fraternity house. It was just a given…and it’s still a given, seeing as most sorority houses are alcohol-free and many don’t even let boys in. Hell, lots of places still have laws on the books that say when more than four women live together, it’s considered a brothel. But why? Why is this still the case? It’s 2015, and women should be able to do whatever the hell they want in their homes.

Apparently, I’m not alone in this line of thinking, either. The New York Times recently discussed the “culture” of Greek life and parties, and specifically the fact that it’s ingrained in us that parties take place at fraternity houses. “It’s this hard-and-fast rule that you take at face value, but it’s finally sort of surfacing,” said Martha McKinnon, a sophomore at the University of Michigan. “It pushes us into the fraternities. The whole social scene is embedded in the fraternity house, and makes us dependent on them. I find this a dangerous scenario.”

The article postulates that, with the intensifying debate of sexual assaults on college campuses and in fraternity houses, allowing sororities to throw parties might give them a “home court advantage” when it comes to keeping women safe. “I would definitely feel safer at a sorority party,” said Dania Roach, a senior at the George Washington University.

This is obviously not the be-all and end-all we’ve been looking for to solve the issues of campus rape and sexual assault. But will this help? In theory, it could. Amber McLeod, a junior at George Washington, had this to say: “I’ve been to parties run by girls, and they’re much more protective — they keep an eye on each other. At frat parties, it’s more of a hunting ground. Not all guys are like this, of course, but sometimes it feels like the lions standing in the background and looking at the deer. And then they go in for the kill.”

Sorority nationals and Panhellenic reps will argue that this will send insurance through the roof and make sorority dues even more cost-prohibitive. But honestly, isn’t it time to shit or get off the pot with these ridiculous rules and regulations and just start letting people be? Besides, sorority parties would be FABULOUS. Could you imagine it?

  • Pretty much every sorority member would show up, if not all of them, based on geographic desirability alone.
  • The quality of decorations and alcohol would be considerably better.
  • …except for the Andre and the Franzia. We’d still have that.
  • Playlists would mostly consist of shitloads of Spice Girls, *NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Beyoncé on repeat, all day, erryday.
  • If you’re not dressed for the theme, you get turned away. No excuses.
  • If a girl asks a guy upstairs to check out her fish tank, you bet your fucking ass he’s going to see a fish tank.
  • Seventy-two percent of all party themes would be Sex and the City or Mean Girls.
  • Any and all creepy behavior would immediately cease, thanks to your drill sergeant of a standards chair AND your house mom.
  • Three words: Cheetah. Girls. Singalong.
  • Manscaping = MANDATORY.
  • There would be snacks. Lots of snacks. Actually, all the snacks. Tell the chef to keep ’em coming.
  • Everything would be fierce, flawless, and fabulous, and if you don’t like it, suck it up, because all the hot girls will be at THIS party, not yours.

Sounds like a great idea to me. I’m on board with this 1,000 percent. In fact, I’m in favor of ALL parties becoming sorority parties. I’ll bring my footie pajamas and my ex’s HBO GO password so we can binge on some SATC. See ya there, bitches.

[via New York Times]

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Stefon

New York's Hottest Club is wherever I am. Haters to the front, hunky Sailors to the back. Bow down betches. Follow this bitch on Twitter @StefonTSM StefonTSM@iCloud.com

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