It’s funny how immediately following the most wonderful time of the year is the most horrible time of the year. Now that all of the holiday excitement is over, leaving you with no reason to craft, bake, or drink in excess, you have plenty of time to sit at home doing nothing and truly come to realize what an absolute hell hole your home town can be.
First and foremost, your mother is a crazy person. You got along with her great when you were in high school, but as you get older, you realize your relationship works best when there are hundreds of miles separating you, and when you can easily pull a “well, I just walked in the door, so I’m gonna go” (despite having had the entire conversation from your bed) any time she gets too…mom-like. And it’s not that you don’t love your mom, she means well, but for the past however-many years you’ve been doing your own thing, been largely self-sufficient (except for…ya know, financially), and have had no one to answer to. You can’t help but have a really hard time dealing with “where are you” phone calls if you’re missing for more than 2 hours. Plus, her pre-menopausal bitchfits about your messy bedroom are intolerable. I know, I know. Messy Bedroom. NS. Whatever.
As if the psychotic tyranny at home isn’t enough, your social life sucks too. You have about two home friends left and even they can only be tolerated in moderation. You grew up, you grew apart, and only one of you grew into a semi-functioning alcoholic, while the others watch in disbelief wondering how you haven’t died yet after your eleventh shot of the evening. They judge you for being belligerent, you judge them for not being able to keep up, and you all judge the evening and decide you would have had more fun had you stayed home.
But even worse than your home friends are your home not-friends. Whether it’s your ex-boyfriend, your ex-friend who fucks him, the parent of some dolphin-loving weirdo that you played with in the first grade, or virtually anyone from your graduating class (plus or minus 3 years), you’re probably going to run into someone you don’t want to see. The awkward chit-chat is unbearable and is only made worse every time you hear another person got engaged. Kill me.
Your wild nights have been reduced to happy hours. The only opportunity for any type of physical interaction with a human male involves watching a movie with your high school hook-up in his parents’ basement, which is somehow far less appealing now than it was when you were 16. You’re longing for your sisters now more than ever. Chin up. Your situation is temporary and will only make your return to the best place on earth that much sweeter. For now, just spend your time working out excessively and perfecting your unique recruitment question, and spring semester, along with all of the wonderful things it has to offer, will be here before you know it.