Columns

Snooki Explains Exactly What You’re Like When You Drunkenly Resist Your Best Friend Taking You Home

The night begins like any other. You do your hair and makeup…

tumblr_m3rq4rRCcJ1ruey6to1_500



Pick out an outfit…
snooki-gif1

tumblr_mdgmu4TJM31qgt6sv



And take pictures.
giphy-1



And after some serious pre-gaming, you’re off.
tumblr_m37leeLsgF1r95t2ao1_500



And it’s not long before you notice your girl is drunk.
snooki drunk



Which is all good and fine until she sees her not boyfriend and she’s all.
imgres-2



And after he seems appalled by her antics, you pray she’ll realize.
imgres-1



But of course, she takes the rejection to mean he’s not getting her message.
snooki-vinny-vinny-and-snooki-nicole-25724825-500-275



In an embarrassing display, she tries to seduce him.
imgres



Some may say she’s begging at this point, but you’ve got to give it to her, home girl is persistent.
tumblr_mmstek0bjN1rmy1zwo1_500



You try to pull her away, but she’s on a mission.
tumblr_lgc7t5FyJZ1qzj41co1_500



When eventually, she realizes she’s not getting laid tonight, she goes from bartering with him straight to anger.
tumblr_m42jtumN5m1ropgn8o1_500



And so you decide that maybe it’s best she go home….She doesn’t seem to like that, either.
images-2



And when you try to reason with her, she only gets nastier.
tumblr_ljnow48yjA1qg9cowo1_500

tumblr_lu0aqmclAE1qdmaqx



And then you have to get real with her.
tumblr_m7uqtywaw91qb9pa3o1_500



“HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THIS GUY?”
tumblr_n2p7p546XP1s8l4eao2_500



And finally, she breaks.
tumblr_inline_mihuw6Rh9k1qz4rgp



The whooooole walk home, she’s just like…
tumblr_mgaxtnU36Y1s2w0kzo1_500



Kindly, you listen, knowing you’ll have your payback in the morning.
tumblr_lzazt5ZXqE1r5jgr2



And you do. When she finally emerges from her room at noon, she’s all…
tumblr_m2x3ci2B9v1qle3g2



So you tell her exactly what a pain in the ass she was, naturally making her feel like…
tumblr_m38xc98Xe31royh91o1_500



She goes through some self-loathing.
images-1



Then comes her thinly veiled attempt at an apology.
images



She comes to accept that she’s basically just an asshole. Whatever.
tumblr_m784skv0Pc1rnjpwbo1_500



So you forgive her. You make up.
snooki and jwoww make up

Because frankly, you know it will probably be you tomorrow night.

Email this to a friend

Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

9 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More