If you’re anything like me, it takes at least 24 hours to plan your outfit for a social, frat party, or girl’s night out. Maybe you aren’t a total pro at it and your strengths lie more in dressing for themed parties. When people ask me what I majored in, I tell them ’80s-themed fitness wear. It’s not a total lie if I spent most of my time dressed like Olivia Newton John in rented bars, right? As much fun as it is finding clothes cheap enough to ruin with wine stains at Forever 21, Wet Seal, and Goodwill, nothing takes your look from shabby to chic like a pair of crazy expensive heels. Which makes all the time spent putting your outfit together totally worth it. Only problem is, 99 percent of the time those expensive heels end up everywhere but on your feet by the end of the night. Then you have to turn into Sherlock Holmes to figure out where you left them. Did I leave them in the bathroom of that sketchy bar or in Jimmy’s room at the frat house? Either way, they’re missing and that chunk of your student loan you used to buy those things is totally wasted. They’re in sorority girl shoe heaven now, which is why sisters don’t let sisters party in expensive heels.
5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before You Wear “Those” Heels:
1. Are these mine?
The only thing worse than losing a pair of your own Manolo Blahniks is losing your Big’s Manolo Blahniks.
2. How many times have I “gracefully” fallen in these heels?
Studies show that five out 10 sorority girls lose their heels after falling on the ground, twisting their ankles, and being carried home by their boyfriends or FWB. The heels usually fall off somewhere in between being lifted from the sidewalk and being thrown over his manly shoulders.
3. Do these heels cost more than my rent?
If the answer is yes, you should totally wear them, just don’t get wasted while you’re out. Since that’s less likely to happen than Brad Pitt getting back with Jennifer Aniston, you probably shouldn’t wear them. Enjoy your all-you-can-drink cranberry vodkas in your Tory Burch flats instead.
4. If you lose one, can the other still serve a purpose?
Since you clearly can’t make the whole “one heel” thing work, you should probably ask yourself if the heel is heavy enough to be a bookend or a paperweight. It doesn’t have to be a total loss now, does it?
5. Is anybody else wearing heels tonight?
Becky told you she was wearing her Jimmy Choos and Steph said that she was wearing her Louboutins, so you were all like, I’ll wear my heels too and make it a thing…only they didn’t. Probably because they asked themselves these five questions before making that educated decision. Weird.