Single People Love When You Ask Them What to Get Your S/O For Valentine’s Day

Valentine's Day

I like to think of myself as someone who, despite the endless Insta-Stream of flowers, chocolate, and engagement rings, remains indifferent to Valentine’s Day, and if you’ve ever met me, you’ll know that that’s about as good as you can get. The idea doesn’t make me squirm. It doesn’t make me depressed. It just is. (Plus, I worked at Hallmark for years, so you have to numb yourself to the whole concept in order to survive.)

However, my indifference was challenged this morning before I had an adequate amount of caffeine in my system. Before the minute hand on the clock hit 9:00, I was being asked advice on what my guy classmates should get their girlfriends. Ignoring the fact that I couldn’t care less, they were basically pouring acid on the ~single~ wound, and testing my very thin patience.

Being the selfless person I am, I tried giving advice to the best of my abilities for the sake of those poor souls they’re dating. I had to clarify that, no, cash was not a good idea, so long as they wanted to avoid making her feel like a low-rate hooker. Yes, a home cooked meal can be a good idea, if you can actually, you know, cook. No, don’t buy the gift on February 15th to get the discounted price because home-girl has a calendar, and, believe you me, she knows what day Valentine’s Day is.

But in between my words of wisdom, I found myself spouting anti-Valentine’s rhetoric, some of which (most of which) (all of which) I stand by, but also surprised me because I didn’t know I had such strong opinions on this “holiday.”

First, in case I wasn’t clear up til now, please don’t actually ask your single friend (me) what to get your boyfriend or girlfriend. Can’t you get into a group with your other wifed-up friends and have a little pow wow about this? Don’t drag us (me) into it.

Second, Valentine’s Day was something I agree to ignore for one. single. day. I give you a 24-hour pass to post about the man of your dreams and the not-so-creative gift this guy gave you. But it’s turned into Valentine’s Season, where January-end of February is filled with anything from flowers to candy to necklaces featured on a Kay Jewelers commercial. Let’s go back to the good ole’ days where this holiday came and went with minimal Chinese food weight gain.

Third, this holiday doesn’t actually make much sense to me because isn’t the point to celebrate the two of you as a couple, not just to celebrate her and the fact that she hasn’t dumped you despite your probably poor hygiene and questionable personality? In my opinion, there shouldn’t be any gifts, and it should just be a date night to celebrate the “we” you insist on referring to yourselves as. But instead, there’s a lot of pressure for guys that usually results in cliché gifts, disappointment, or, in the case of my friend, making her feel like he picked her up from the corner.

You could call me bitter. My mom has. But I’m not. I don’t think. I’m just a girl who’s really starting to realize why exactly she’s single.

Image via Shutterstock

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Regina Phalange

The more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.

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