Everyone knows no two sex positions are created equally. Especially when your roommates/parents/God walk in and see you in the compromising position. Luckily, there are a definitely some positions you’d rather be in than others, which you should keep in mind next time you decide to get down and dirty in your own home.
Tried and true, missionary is least offensive position to get caught in. It looks like you’re ~making love~ as opposed to just smashing uglies. Plus, you’re pretty much completely covered. Throw on a blanket to cover his hairy, bare ass and you’re pretty much just reenacting a tasteful scene from (insert RomCom here).
This is another position where you going to look your best. Who really minds that about looking like a fucking goddess when they get walked in on? Not to mention, your friends still don’t believe that your lazy piece of shit self literally ever gets on top, so maybe this is the hard-hitting evidence they need. The only down side is, you know, exercise.
Spooning- Turned Away
Sure, they know you weren’t just cuddling, but it’s still plausible. This could have been the best position to be caught in for this reason, except for the fact that you need to have sex in the spooning position. Which, of course, no one enjoys.
Not classy, but feels great. At least you still get yours?
Not only are you letting the world know you would do anything for the boy you’re literally humping, you’re also letting the world know that he’s not the biggest fan of your face. Your ass? Sure. But face?? Eh, not so much.
Face Down, Ass Up
He still doesn’t like your face, but you’re also too lazy to do the work of being on top. Winners all around.
Remember how missionary was #1 because it’s making love not just getting fucked? You can’t make getting pile drived sound romantic. Trust me, I’ve tried.
First of all, I don’t appreciate you allowing him to fuck you like this. You’re the reason the rest of us get a bad rep for just lying there like a normal person. Get your feet back on the floor on and think about your life choices.
You ever see a deer in the headlights? What about a deer in the headlights while currently trying to deep throat? That’s you.
Be safe, kids. Happy humping..