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Rent A Boyfriend This Valentine’s Day

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Is Valentine’s Day getting you down? If not, it’s about to. An abundance of wilted bouquets Instagrammed with #nofilter, the overuse of #blessed without irony, and Facebook posts about the “best boyfriend EVER!!!” are about to inundate your social media life. Luckily, it’s on a Friday, which means you’ll be too blackout to care. If you’re still feeling down, even with a little help from vodka, you can always rent a boyfriend. Yeah, haven’t you heard? It’s the latest craze, sweeping the nation–and by the nation, I mean not ours. China.

Do you feel pressure to say you’re seeing someone when the manicurist politely asks if you have a boyfriend? Imagine that pressure all the time. In China, there’s a new business thriving for rental boyfriends–it’s like “The Wedding Date”, only real. Of course adorable romantic comedies like “The Notebook” don’t come true, but awful ones where the main character rents a prostitute are a reality.

The business hits its peak during the Chinese New Year, when women come home for the holidays. To avoid familial nagging, clients pay for the travel and lodging of said rental boyfriend, and in return, the guy has to act like he’s in a relationship. If all relationships happened because I said so, I’d be in Boyfriend City. In China, there’s even a phrase that describes these single ladies, and it’s not complimentary like the Beyoncé song. They’re called “leftover women,” which manages to sound even worse than “cat lady” or “spinster.”

Just think of how helpful this could be. Date parties, formals, girls’ nights when you’re trying to avoid creepers but don’t feel like dealing with a tagalong boyfriend, even Christmas parties when you’re tired of family friends telling you you’re “too pretty to be single.” It’s a fairy tale come true, only with less romance and more desperation.

If you’re starting to consider a rent-a-boy for V-Day, it’s going to cost you. One gigolo charges more than $500, not including travel costs. After the base cost, the client pays for extras. If you want your boy toy to be your shopping sherpa, it’s $10 an hour. If you want him to hold your hand while you sob to “Endless Love”, you’re in business, because a comedy is less expensive than a thriller. (Although doesn’t that one look like both?). Once you add up all of the costs, the total can equal a month’s salary.

So, ladies, if you’re tired of going to date parties with besties and gays while scrambling for a romantic partner, have I got the deal for you. Shell out some dollars, and you’ll have a gentleman caller who you don’t even have to give dome. Let’s be honest, you’ve had worse dates. Unfortunately, if you’re trying to get it in, you’re out of luck. Holding hands and hugging cost $1 per occurrence. Kissing has to be negotiated. They say sex is not an option, but I’ve seen “The Wedding Date” and “Pretty Woman”, so I know this story has a happy ending.

[via Jezebel]

Image via Fan Pop

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Fleur de Lilly

Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.

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