The worst part of a breakup is the harsh reality that you are alone. Yes, you have your sisters to lean on, but when it comes to the important things…like formal dates, people to make out with, and people to buy you presents which come in blue boxes for all holidays, you are absolutely and positively alone.
After the initial conflicting thoughts of rage and depression that follow a breakup, there also comes the ceremonial celebration of being single again because now you can FINALLY black out with your sisters EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, as opposed to when you could only do so a few nights a week because the others were reserved for date nights/exclusive boyfriend time. After these few weeks of recovery occur, most of us either wind up in one of two DANGEROUS situations: the rebound, or the relapse.
It doesn’t take an idiot to figure out that a rebound relationship is the most idiotic move in the dating game. First of all, chances are good you’re only dating the new guy to a) get revenge, b) find a way to occupy the time you had previously spent continuing to reload your ex’s Facebook to make sure that he hasn’t taken pictures with any new girls, or c) both. But what is more dangerous than entering a relationship a rebound boyfriend? Relapsing with your old one.
What do I mean by relapsing? I mean, after the dust settles and the nerves cool off from the scenario that concluded in the breakup, hanging out with your ex again. This usually starts off innocently, under the guise of “needing to talk” or “exchanging belongings” and then escalates to “just getting together” or “thought we’d grab dinner?” and we all know how each of these scenarios end…with a souvenir of regret, shame, and overwhelming confusion.
We relapse because it’s so easy. After all, this is the boy you’re most comfortable with, and you obviously care about him. He knows what you like, so it’s still charming to you that he can order your drink when you run off to the restroom at dinner, and he knows what frustrates you, which is why, if he’s trying to win you back, he won’t do it. Most of all, it takes the frustration out of everything that sucks about being single, which includes weeding through a million idiots in search of a guy that is good enough for you.
The hardest part about a breakup is letting someone go. After all, there was obviously something great about your relationship if it took place to begin with, but it’s important to also look at the darker side of the situation: there is a reason why your relationship ended. Happy people don’t just decide to end their relationship. As hard as it may be, it’s important to acknowledge that even though you may not realize it immediately, you will always be better off without him. It’s too easy to turn yourself into a frequent hookup for the jerk who broke your heart by getting drunk and realizing you still love him after a few too many glasses of wine. Relapsing with your ex is essentially the laziest form of dating; you don’t really have to worry about all the pretenses that come with meeting someone new, but that also comes at the cost of not having any of the good aspects of a relationship either.
Whenever you start “seeing” an ex again, it’s basically because you still have feelings for him and can’t bring yourself to delete him from your life completely. After you get together, you aren’t in a better place, you’ve just found a temporary solution to your problem. After all, where does this leave you? Are you officially back together? Probably not. Are you on speaking terms? Well, obviously, but does that even matter at this point? All a relapse does is prolong you from moving on with your life. No matter how much you want to convince yourself that mistakes were made on both sides, and that maybe you two were actually perfect for each other, you weren’t. The only time a set of exes has successfully reunited, in the entire history of time, was in The Notebook…and that was a work of fiction, I’m pretty sure.
Bottom line? Don’t get swooned into crying in your ex’s arms about how much you miss him after going on a vodka/Xanax bender. Don’t willingly put yourself back into the picture. Remember all that time you spent crying, not getting out of bed, and watching the first Sex and the City movie after the breakup? Remember those 8 lbs you lost because you couldn’t bear to look at food, let alone eat it, during your first few days as a single girl? DO NOT LET ALL OF THAT BE IN VAIN. Get out of bed, get your shit together, and keep going out with your girlfriends. I don’t recommend immediately jumping into the emotional train wreck, post-breakup hookup scenario, but I do recommend letting yourself have so much fun that you forget the entire thing ever ruined a week of your life…but doing so alone.
There are other fish the sea, and more importantly, there are plenty of other Tiffany-buying, great hairline-having guys sailing in it.