Ranking “The Bachelorette” Contestants By Their Snapchat Game

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I would say Bachelor is my guilty pleasure TV show, except I am not guilty at all. Hot guys drunkenly spending a year of their life trying to get one girls’ attention? Sounds like college to me, and I love college. That being said, we all have our favorites (RIP Wells, who dug his own metaphorical grave). What better way to keep up with them than through Snapchat? I decided that I would add all of the final six (and some others) to see who really deserves to win.

Honorable Mentions

Wells: Has an obscene amount of love for his dogs and his job. Why this boy wasn’t good enough for JoJo, we’ll never know. He opened my direct snap, and furthermore, opened his heart to love! Someone date this boy! Please!

Chad: Did you really expect to get through a Bachelorette post without him? He’s obsessed with lifting and letting you know he lifts (and also the song ‘I Took a Pill in Ibiza’? If there’s a story there, LMK). He updates his Snap story constantly, so much that I had to delete him within 2 hours. He’s still sassy about his exile from JoJo’s heart, and loves to shit talk. I hate to admit it, but I really relate to Chad. I mean, a petty diva who hasn’t moved on but looks damn good doing it? If that isn’t me, I don’t know what is. He never added me on Snapchat. It was a gray arrow straight through my heart.

6. Alex

Alex, the man who was once a hero, now has become the villain. Though you saved me from watching any more of Chad this season, I’m now stuck watching you trying to overcompensate for your uh, little problem. That self-consciousness doesn’t stop off screen. This boy uses that one filter that clears up your skin on every snap, you know, the one used exclusively for when you first wake up and haven’t looked like a real human yet? Not only that, but he seems to get off on people interacting with him on social media. “Use this hashtag! Tag me in this post! Everyone go tweet at my friend for his birthday!” Calm down buddy. You’re unlikely to get into the top three, so everything you bid is null and void.

Snap Game: He’s an army with an army of fans (he thinks). According to Snapchat, he thinks he’s getting more fans than he actually is, so he takes the last spot.

Direct Snap: Never opened. You’d think he’d want to interact with his fans, right?

5. Chase

Which one’s Chase, you ask? He’s the tall one you probably forgot about. He looks like the most average guy ever, and reminds me of every guy who’s ever been on the Bachelorette ever. I think the only reason he got this far is because JoJo didn’t even see him there. His Snapchats are unimpressive and infrequent. He sometimes promotes his Instagram or talks about his suburban life but is overall just kind of lame. Oh, Chase. You’ll always just be chasing a dream thinking you can get JoJo.

Snap Game: He’s the same as Jordan in that he doesn’t post. Or maybe he did and I just instantly forgot. Just don’t be in a relationship with Chase. You’ll probably cheat on him by accident by forgetting you were even dating. #5 but barely alive.

Direct Snap: Never even accepted my friend request. I’m so hurt, but also so not.

4. Robby

This dude loves himself. Listen, man, I’m all for self-love and the 2016 movement of treating yo’ self, but relax. His Snapchat alternates between a selfie with a bad filter to gym snaps that prove he works out. Forgetting the fact he looks like an evil Ken doll brought to life, he likes to remind his followers that he likes the sun, himself, and exercise. It should be noted they ALL include their workouts in their snap stories, but at least it’s broken up by a personality. Sorry, Robby, we left the plastics 2004 with Regina and Cady.

Snap Game: He’s just some guy you hooked up with at a party and added on Snapchat. Despite some cool beach pics, there’s too much ego. If he applies this same selfie game to a relationship, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Shouldn’t it be about “we,” not “he”? Actually, you know what, it should be about “me.”

Direct Snap: Opened, never replied. Guess my face wasn’t as good as his.

3. Jordan

Jordan has been the clear frontrunner since day one, but his Snapchat is vacant. Like, nothing. It’s bare. Where you at? What are you trying to hide? You have a famous brother, get him involved! Jordan, buddy, this won’t relationship won’t last with this lack of communication.

Snap Game: I learned nothing about his relationship type from Snapchat. I’m not really into the whole “off the grid” vibe, sorry bro. #3 is generous, really.

Direct Snap: Ignored. Offended. Betrayed.

2. Luke

Deemed “too intense” by my mother, Luke was the noteworthy bad boy from the moment he stepped into that ridiculous mansion. He never lets us forget it, either by his leather jacket or his steamy make-out session with JoJo that one episode. His Snap stories are dedicated to him reminding us that he’s a country kind of guy. He drives a truck, plays guitar, and lives in Nashville. If his good buddy JT hadn’t got so far on this season, maybe he could have been both a bad boy and a country boy, grabbing both generalizations at once. Sorry, Luke, but this supportive bromance is the only thing you’ll get out of this show. I’m predicting a runner-up situation.

Snap Game: He’s the edgy punk boy you had a crush on in high school. Would you marry him? Probably not. But it’d be nice to show his Facebook profile as the one who got away to new friends. So he clocks in at number 2.

Direct Snap: Never opened. Just like JoJo’s legs, probably.

1. James Taylor

Oh, James Taylor. The hardest form of first name, last name I have ever seen, James Taylor has truly defied all expectations this season. I can tell he is probably just using this show to make out with hottie JoJo while boosting his music career, but who doesn’t like an ambitious underdog? James’ Snapchat is filled mostly with singing. I’m just glad he knows what the people want. This guy definitely looks hotter on Snapchat, so that’s a plus.

Snap Game: He’s a singing sweetheart who defies expectations and replies to Snapchats. For that reason, he hits up number one. Will he win? Unlikely. Will I still follow his Snapchat? Until he starts to bother me, yes (so no different than any other guy I know).

Direct Snap: Opened, and replied with a cute ass video and a chat, which probably makes this list a little biased. Whatever, I’m in love and this guy wins.

Image via Youtube

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