Get up from your pile of Starbucks cups and failed midterms, ladies, because Thanksgiving is just around the corner! Soon, you’ll be on your way home, with warm pumpkin pie, your family, and your sleazy high school boyfriend all waiting eagerly for your return. This marks the beginning of a great but stressful season, so it’s important to start the holidays off on the right foot. Luckily, there are a some perfect Thanksgiving pairings you can look forward to – besides the mashed potatoes and gravy, of course.
A Flannel And Leggings
I’m sorry, but if you aren’t wearing this to Thanksgiving Day, you are doing it wrong. It’s cute, it’s casual yet dressy, and – most importantly – it allows for a hidden food baby. Feel free to openly sneer at your uncle’s new wife, who is aggressively wearing skinny jeans to the biggest meal of the year. But at least you can always tell her that her outfit looks good with her new boobs!
You And Your Boyfriend
With the perfect accessories, no one will even be looking at your outfit! Enter: your “boyfriend.” I mean, yeah, you may have met him in a bathroom bar, and yes, you may be paying him to accompany you to your family dinner, but you’re still practically soulmates!
Wine And Incessant Questions From Your Relatives
Just when you thought your boy toy could solve all of your problems, think again. Do you know what you are doing this summer? How are classes? What’s your GPA? Do you have your names picked out for your first three kids and two dogs? But, worry not, my friends. With a little help from your friend Moscato, you can glide through these questions without any hiccups. Or, at the very least, be so drunk that you don’t remember your embarrassing answers.
Vodka And Political Talk
Things are going fine. I mean, sure, you are tipsy off of Riesling and may have snuck into the bathroom with your boyfriend for a quickie (kidding… sort of). But all in all, the night is going well. Enter: your backwards grandparents. Before you know it, half your family is screaming about the recent presidential election and the other half is blatantly taking swigs from their respective flasks. Guess which side you’re on? Hint: it ends with “-vedka” and it isn’t Donald Trump.
Hopeless Despair and Your Cousin’s Engagement Ring
Unless you’ve been living under a rock and/or a handle of liquor (which, let’s be honest, you have been), you may have noticed that you aren’t exactly your family’s shining star. But you know who really, really wants to drive that point home? Cousin Ashley. She has a job secured for after graduation, or worse—a husband. If you’re the Rob Kardashian of the family, she’s the Kim.
Obviously, you have a lot to be thankful for this year. Bless up, bitches.