People Are Literally Dying To Make Your Prosecco, You Ungrateful Fuck

People Are Literally Dying To Make Your Prosecco, You Ungrateful Fuck

As if 2016 couldn’t get any worse, the last two weeks of this miserable year just keep on giving. With the new year on the horizon, there’s a pretty good chance you’ve been ditching your regularly scheduled red wine blend for a bottle or two of your favorite bubbly beverage. If so, you’re not alone – prosecco’s popularity has spiked so much that Italian grape farmers are having a hard time keeping up with the demand. In order to compensate, farmers are needing to protect their precious crops with pretty severe pesticides in order to make sure all of their grapes survive – which is all fine and good, until it just came out that this is literally causing cancer in Italian grape harvesters. That’s right, you’ve consumed so much prosecco that people are literally dying to keep providing you with your favorite girls’ night beverage.

Y’all, this is terrible news. Not only are people keeling over left and right, but now I feel morally obligated to cut back on my prosecco drinking. Truly, everyone in this situation is losing. Sure, residents of the towns where grapes for prosecco are being grown have it the worst, but I’d still like to take a moment of silence to mourn the loss of my favorite bottle of La Marca Prosecco that will no longer have a designated shelf in my pantry.

If there’s a bright side to this news, it’s that this revelation has given you the excuse you’ve been waiting to switch over to champagne anyway. You’ve been buying prosecco for its convenience and its price tag, but with the upgrade to champagne in your diet, your palette will thank you (even if your wallet doesn’t). Start popping bottles, because champagne is about to make a major — and permanent — place in your life.

[via Town And Country]

Image via Shutterstock

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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at

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