Miley Cyrus has done A LOT of stupid shit over the years. She’s cut her hair, she’s gotten a million stupid fucking tattoos, and she let Liam Hemsworth, who was PERFECT (read: gorgeous AND Australian), slip through her bony, little fingers. She’s really fucked shit up, and I was hoping she would let her recent breakup set her back on track. She should have faked a coke addiction and gone to rehab, where she could have ridden horses and thought about dating someone who wouldn’t be scared away with her psychosis. Instead, apparently she’s been partying like crazy and hanging out with…wait for it…the Biebs.
*Stares incredulously at computer screen, sips Diet Coke in disgust, and braves on through the tragedy*
Really? Fucking really? Miley went from the hottest guy possible for her and is now dating some weird Canadian with a leopard print Audi. This past Saturday, The Biebs’ car was seen leaving Cyrus’ house before the two were seen partying it up at Beacher’s Madhouse in Hollywood until 2:00am, at which time, they left together.
I know the two were teen idols at the same time, which I guess makes them friends. I know they have the same stupid haircut, and I also know the two are both recently single, because Selena Gomez was smart enough to leave Bieber. But I’m sorry, this would LITERALLY be the worst couple of all time. Can you imagine these two together? I feel like the Biebs would sit around and talk about how much of a real artist he is (fuck the haters) and Miley would keep proving how edgy she is because she, too, is a REAL artist and not just some former little tweeny bopper who once had great hair. Miley would probably post some selfies to Instagram, to prove how great their relationship is, and Bieber would probably write stupid songs about how he’s boning Hannah Montana.
I’m literally in an emotional downward spiral over this. If the end of the world wasn’t already upon is, it definitely is if these two are fucking each other.
COULD YOU FUCKING IMAGINE IF THEY HAD A CHILD!?
Miley, don’t do this. DO. NOT. DO. THIS.
If the Biebs’ lack of style, or his totally gay car, or his douchebag personality weren’t enough, the fact that he wore a bedazzled hat to a sporting event should be enough reason to not let him near you with his 2-inch Canadian penis.
Image via Associated Press