Nordstrom Is Trying To Make Rocks A Fashion Staple, Like The Rocks You Walk On


As if we needed another reason to think that everyone was losing their fucking minds in 2016, here comes Nordstrom and its $85 rock in a leather pocket shirt. What the fuck is happening? There are so many things wrong with this picture, and shirt, that I don’t even know where to begin.

Let’s start with what Nordstrom has to say about the rock pocket. Maybe they can persuade our flubber-esque minds to think this is going to be the next big thing. Nordstrom writes,

“A paperweight? A conversation piece? A work of art? It’s up to you, but this smooth Los Angeles-area stone—wrapped in rich, vegetable-tanned American leather secured by sturdy contrast whipstitching— is sure to draw attention wherever it rests.”

It is SURE to draw attention wherever it rests? What if it was rested, you know, on the ground. Where rocks belong. I don’t think it would draw much attention there. If you are wearing a rock in your shirt pocket, you are an attention hungry lunatic. If you spend $85 on a rock to sit in your shirt pocket, you are a certified psychopath. How do you even wash the shirt? What if it falls out and ruins your $600 washer?

I can just see the advertisements for it now.

“Do you love when people question what went through your head when you got dressed this morning? Do you have around $100 to waste on a high fashion trend that will never take off? Lucky for you, the fine people at Nordstrom just came up with a way to rip you off with a fashion accessory that most people step on. It’s the rock in a leather pouch, available now for the low, low price of $85!”

They try to sell you on it with some fancy wording, but I’m just not buying it. Literally or figuratively.

“A traditional hardening process gives the leather a beautiful ombré effect. Like all Made Solid pieces, this one is cut, shaped, sewn and finished by hand in artist Peter Maxwell’s Los Angeles studio. Using vintage leatherworking tools and traditional saddle-stitching techniques, Maxwell aims to create beautiful designs that embody both simplicity and functionality, and that develop rich character and patina over time.”

Nope. Not happening.

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