What do you get when you combine attention-seeking whores and the royal family, then top it off with a whole lot of batshit crazy? Nope, not Pippa’s ass. You get one of the contestants on TV’s newest reality show, “I Wanna Marry Harry.” And it’s going to be everything.
The premise of the show is this. Producers apparently told the contestants that Prince Harry had recently broken up with his long-time girlfriend, Cressida Bonas, and was now searching for an American bride. With this being their “last chance to woo the Prince,” the producers flew a group of 12 women to a palace in Berkshire, England, to compete “Bachelor”-style for the heart of none other than Harry himself.
And if you think it can’t get worse (note: more amazing) than that, it does. The guy is actually a Prince Harry lookalike named Matthew Hicks, who was hired to convincingly act the part so the women won’t find out who he really is.
Check out Fox’s official description of the show:
“An average English ‘bloke’ is given the royal treatment and an upper crust makeover before meeting 12 single American women searching for Prince Charming. Will he be able to convince them he’s regal? And if he does, will they fall for the crown, or fall in love with the real him?”
Like, I’m done. Over. Goodbye. I have officially lost all faith in humanity because of this–not because there are people who are actually cruel enough to trick these women (it’s actually brilliant if you think about it) but that people on this planet are actually stupid enough to believe Prince Harry would go on an American reality television show to find his wife. Like, I’m beyond SMH with these women. I’m more like, “please let me unknowingly backhand you in the face and then trip you down a flight of stairs” with them. They make Karen from “Mean Girls” look like Albert fucking Einstein.
The only positive coming out of this reality show (besides the absolute, crippling humiliation inflicted upon these 12 women) is how much of a boss Cressida will feel like when she eventually watches it–not even Kanye’s love for Kanye will compare. And the funny thing is, it’s completely justified.
Get the wine and low-cal popcorn ready. The show airs May 27 on Fox.