If you don’t have a borderline unhealthy obsession with “American Horror Story,” then I’m not quite convinced that you’re a person. Everything about it is perfect. There’s a hot guy who changes his look every season, there’s sex, there are amazing plots, and true American horror stories. So with the new season of AHS set to premiere on September 14 (which is basically just one month away, people), we’re all getting a little fucking annoyed that we’re in the dark about the theme. Sure, the anticipation and mystery is thrilling and all, but we’re practically family. We deserve to know.
That being said, there have been quite a few theories as to what the theme for the newest season of “American Horror Story” will be. Some of them seem completely out of left field:
Others seem very plausible:
Up until now, we had only a few creepy ass pictures to go off of because, apparently, the creators are the biggest teases on the planet. But, whatever. The pictures of the cabin-esque area blew people into a frenzy.
Some swear that the baby room in the teasers is a hint at the devil baby birthed at the beginning which fits perfectly into the puzzle because we all know that these worlds somehow fit together. This is a strong theory because, well, “the devil” is a lazy route so of course, it’s possible. If you want something guaranteed to be evil and scary, the OG fallen angel is the way to go. This also ties in with season 6 because 6 is the number of the devil. VERY CLEVER FX. Plus kids are scary AF, anyone who has ever had a pregnancy scare can tell you that much.
Other sources believe that the theme could be none other than “farming.” Which is, by far, the creepiest. Forget demons and clowns, living in the middle of nowhere with no Starbucks or wifi is not the kind of world I want to be in. I don’t need an army of angry ghosts to murder me and make it look like a suicide, I’ll off myself before you even have the chance to say “tractor.”
“The Cabin in the Woods” is also a popular theory. You remember that terrible movie you watched with your boyfriend and pretended to be scared so he would cuddle with you? I’m not sure how I feel about this one. Sure I have no doubt that the writers would be able to turn this scene scream-worthy, but it does seem a little played out. If I wanted to watch another predictable horror film like this I would turn to any of the 8,000 available on my parents’ Netflix.
And with that, we come to the greatest theory of them all — the Manson Family. For anyone unaware of this infamous cult, here’s a little background: Charles Manson is the greatest manipulator of his time, convincing everyone around him that he is God. He tells them to give up their families, to lie, to steal, and to kill — all in the name of some good old-fashioned Hippy Dippy Love. Are you excited? Because I am.
Sure, it is just a theory, but for anyone else obsessed with psychopaths like I am, there’s some good news. The new stills kind of point to it. Check it out:
“PIG” is what Manson girl Susan Atkins wrote with Sharon Tate’s blood after murdering her. See? It’s good already. And these photos, which relate to Manson’s love of spiders and Evan Peters *as* Manson (possibly), are pretty much all the proof I need.
Whatever it ends up being, I can’t freaking wait. Get outta here, summer. Fall? We’re ready for you..
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