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New Bra Only Unhooks If You Are In Love

Screen Shot 2014-01-27 at 11.59.10 AM
Just when you thought Japan’s technology couldn’t get any weirder, they’ve decided to create a chastity belt-like device… for your boobs. The Japanese lingerie company Ravijour created a bra that will only unhook if it thinks you are in love. It’s called the True Love Tester bra, and is labeled an “innovative bra” that “cannot be unhooked without true love.” The bra uses a built in sensor that reads your heart rate and communicates with an app on your phone to calculate what exactly your heart rate means. If it decides you’re digging some guy, it just pops off. No, seriously. It just pops off.

Am I the only one who sees a few problems with this? What if you’re not already (or have no intention of being) naked? The bra doesn’t give a shit whether or not you’re in the middle of hooking up — it only goes by your heart rate. So basically it’s going to come off whenever I stumble across a particularly delicious looking piece of pizza. I can’t even imagine the horror of talking to a guy at a party, and having my bra just randomly pop off when he tells me that he likes Harry Potter or that we share the same favorite beer. That would totally happen to me.

“…so I spend the majority of my Saturdays tutoring inner city kids.”
For the love of God bitch, keep your bra on.
“Except for last weekend. I met up with some of my old buddies from camp.”
Please say it was fat camp or something.
“Military camp, that is. Did I mention I was in the army?”
Fuck. I’m in trouble.
“But now I’m pursuing med school.”
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
“By the way, do you like dogs? I have the sweetest puppy.”
Aaaaaaaand your bra is gone. Your bra is gone and he is looking. Excuse yourself, run home, and die of shame.

The idea behind the invention was actually to save women from persistent party boys. The ad features a sneak peak into a laughably fake Japanese nightclub, where women are escaping men with various over exaggerated titles like “the animal” and “the flashy guy”. Then a bunch of Asians talk about scientific shit for a while and you get some visuals of the weird studded bra popping off of a slightly less attractive Lucy Liu.

When you think about it, though, it almost sounds kind of fun. You could totally turn this into some sort of weird sexual game. “Sure, you can see my boobs, but you have to prove your worth first because I’ve got a robot strapped to my chest and it won’t free my tits until you do some work.” In all seriousness, though, this product sort of just pisses me off. Since when do women have to be in love to get to second base? They’re basically just telling us that we can’t make our own judgement calls when it comes to men, and all to further their crappy sales pitch. I think that any woman who would actually buy this probably has too many personal issues to be fooling around anyway. The creators had the balls to call this invention a “friend to women,” which is ironic because this bra sounds like it would pretty much be my worst enemy. They should strive to create a bra that prevents me from drunk eating or getting lipstick on my teeth. That would be a real friend. Until then, Japan really needs to take a lap and spend some downtime recovering from this, before attempting a product that we can actually use.

[via http://www.geekosystem.com/love-bra/]

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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