Ready to be so creeped out you can barely breathe? It takes a lot to out-creep a sorority girl stalker, but this takes the cake (fro-yo?) when it comes to cyberstalking. A new website, Digital Shadow, was created to promote an upcoming spy video game. While I’m not into gaming (spoiler: no girl really wants to watch boys play with themselves), I am into finding out who’s obsessed with me.
This site back-stalks you to accurately identify where you spend your time, your salary, and who you interact with the most on Facebook. Welcome to the future. Now where’s my “Back To The Future”-style hovercraft to celebrate? Once you give the site access, it uses data to create a list of your “pawns” (your IRL besties who constantly tag you), your “obsessions” (the people you creep on who don’t reciprocate), your “scapegoats” (people you don’t interact with and would “sacrifice” if necessary–in my case, a list of former not-boyfriends, so spot on), and your “stalkers” (the people who constantly creep on you). It’s basically my biggest fear that one day my creeping will become public knowledge (along with sending a screenshot to the wrong person) and Digital Shadow is making it happen.
Unfortunately, Digital Shadow doesn’t understand sarcasm, which poses a serious problem. It told me I was a deviant because I used the word “murder”–but it’s not my fault I threatened to murder my best friend if she didn’t call me. That’s not dangerous, it’s friendship. Really, Digital Shadow thinks I’m a deviant in general because of the words I use: “club,” as in beach club; “high” as in high school; and “hot,” as in “White Hot Linen Night,” which is a chic event, not a testament to what I think of myself (#humblebrag). I can’t help it that Digital Shadow thinks I like to party.
Digital Shadow also generates photos of places you hang out (in my case, bars), details about when you post the most often (#ThrowbackThursday), and then it proceeds to guess your password based on your interests. As creepy as it is, it’s all based on information you share. While you’re trying to convince the Interwebs how pretty and popular you are to make all your frenemies experience FOMO, people could be gathering intel on you. More importantly, your gentleman caller could visit a website that describes you as a “stalker” (spoiler alert). Everyone knows Internet creeping is more fun when it’s anonymous, but this site shows that we’re leaving a digital shadow that could reveal the sorority girl stalker in us all.