My Dad Gave Me Issues, Just Not The Ones You’d Expect

Daddy Issues

I’ll sleep with you, but I won’t date you. There I said it. Do you want to know why I won’t date you? It’s because of my dad.

People that disagree with my sexual promiscuity are all quick to accuse me of having “daddy issues” and to a certain extent, they’re right. You see, I don’t fuck around because I’m desperately trying to get the male attention my dad never gave me growing up. My dad gave me all the attention and love I needed. I would say that he treated me like a princess, but that’s misleading. To be treated like a princess would mean that I would need someone to take care of and look after me, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

He treated me like a warrior, for lack of a better word. He taught me the skills I need to take care of myself and then instilled in me the mentality to fight for what I want. How exactly does this transition into ‘daddy issues?’ My dad raised me to be independent and not to settle. I know what I want and I know what I deserve. My dad likes to describe the current generation as the ‘pussification of America.’ Gone are all the strong, alpha males, replaced with man-bun rocking, politically correct, hipsters. Now, guys want to talk about their feelings more than I do. They aren’t embarrassed to cry or show emotion. I can’t handle it. I don’t need a guy to take care of me, I can do that on my own, but I sure as hell am not going to take care of a guy. I don’t want to wear the pants in the relationship; I want us to fight for the pants.

I’ve slept with my fair share of guys, and I just can’t help but think about how much my dad would hate all of them. If I were to introduce any of them to my dad, they quite literally might shit their pants. They wouldn’t be able to hang and my dad would be so disappointed that I was wasting my time on someone who so clearly wasn’t worth it.

I like sex, so I have it. A lot. If I were to limit myself to fucking only guys that challenge me, that are strong and self-assured without being cocky and douche-y, to guys that my dad would approve of, well, I’d probably still be a virgin. My dad’s approval means everything to me and I can’t bear the thought of bringing home a guy that would just disappoint him. He wants the best for me and I love him for that. Maybe I do have “daddy issues” and relationship issues, but it’s because I know what I’m worth, because my dad ingrained my worth into me. So ya, I’ll fuck you, but I sure as hell won’t date you.

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Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at:

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