Dating is mediocre. However, when done right, you can maximize your gain from the dating scene. After all, you can’t rely on free food as your only incentive. Luckily, college easily splits any dateable prospects into categories, and you can easily select your next victim/potential boyfriend based on their major and the perks that come along with it. And their personality, of course.
Foreign language majors are perfect if you want a boyfriend, but you don’t actually want a boyfriend. That’s because there is a 99 percent chance that he will be studying abroad in a neat European country – and like any good girlfriend, you’ll just have to visit him. Essentially, your phantom boyfriend is a great excuse to use when creepy guys hit on you, but far enough away that he’ll never realize what a lazy, angry person you are. Also, it’s hard to give blowjobs when he’s ten thousand miles away. Win, win.
If you like coffee, beards, hipster music, and attending social justice rallies, then this is the man for you. But photography majors, while usually very edgy and alternative, really make this list because of one reason: Instagram. Want a candid photo of you? Done. Practically professional photos of you before every formal and date party? Check. If you’re lucky, you might even be able to coerce him into doing your recruitment video. Keep this guy around for a little while, then let him down easy.
Some people just don’t shut up. Ever. If you fall into this category, then you should consider dating an English major. They are generally great listeners, and they give even better advice. Did you fail a test? Forget to pay your dues? Accidentally drunk text your grandma? No worries, because the English major will have a solution. Bonus points for wooing you with love letters, personalized poems, and for finishing your essay that’s due tomorrow.
Engineers are super underrated, but also very sneaky. They have all the qualities of an English major, but they are prime prospects to watch out for as you get closer to graduation. Now I’m not saying that money matters, but how else are you going to support your post-grad shopping addiction? (Hint: by dating engineer$)
Music majors get bonus points if you go to school near a big city. They will know about all of the concerts and new bands, so the dates are guaranteed to be 10/10. Their romantic aesthetic is also a plus because nothing screams sexy more than a guy playing a guitar. But the real reason this major ranks so high is because of their variation — you can have your pick of a classy piano connoisseur, a hipster electric guitarist, or maybe even a lead vocalist. If you can dream it, you can quite literally do it.
Business majors are the crown jewel of boyfriends and the light at the end of the dating tunnel. They are well-dressed, well-groomed, and not too busy with school to go out and party. Having good manners is practically a requirement for their degree, so they will easily win over your family. And if they are around long enough to experience your aforementioned post-grad shopping spree? No worries, because they’ll own their own corporation by then.
Choose wisely, ladies..