Midterms Suck Even More Than Finals


Post-Exam Work

All you can think about is spring break. Your mind is exploring beaches full of trashed college kids. You’re daydreaming about earning some beads by flashing your tatas and drinking a cheap girly drink through a swirly straw. Unfortunately, spring break is just that: a break. Which means you have to return to more papers, speeches, projects, and tests in a week.

The only thing on your brain is being finished with this class. No more obnoxious exams, no more teachers judging your hangover outfits, and no more money wasted on “study” pills. Once you turn in the exam and walk out the door, you never have to stress about that class ever again. Hopefully.


You still have drama going on with that needy fuck, Garrett, who you hooked up with two date parties ago. He won’t stop Facebook messaging you when you don’t respond to his Snapchats or texts. And it doesn’t help that he has a class with your new guy, who won’t quit bringing Garrett up in conversation after every lecture because he knows what happened post-date party. Midterms just means they are only halfway finished unwillingly seeing each other every class.

Any romantic tensions in classrooms stop here. Whether it’s you and some awkward one-night stand douchebag, or guys fighting over you. Once you finish your final and the semester, it’s possible to have a clean slate and start over. You no longer have to avoid the same jackass every day, and can finally wear his shack shirt that you refused to wear in front of him all semester.

Criticism From Your Professors

You still have to hear about how “A lot of you seemed to struggle with question number 23” followed with the professor making immediate eye contact with you. It’s not the end of hearing about all of the mistakes you made and how you are doomed to a life of failure.

Good riddance Dr. Slapdick! You can no longer force your negative psychic thoughts into my head by pointing out everything I did wrong. You’ll never be able to crush my spirits, hopes, and dreams ever again.


You can never really anticipate exactly when your professor decides to drop a midterm into your life. Yeah, there’s a syllabus or whatever. But the date can be whenever the professor chooses. Before spring break, after spring break, the second week of school, who knows?

There’s no questioning it. Finals come at the end of the semester. It’s a stable event. You don’t have to worry that it’s just going to pop up out of nowhere. They call them “finals” for a reason.

The Teacher’s Pet

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Even after midterms you have to continue to suck up to Rebecca just so she will give you her review for the next few tests. It’s obvious you both despise each other, but she is Dr. Slapdick’s favorite student who makes bomb ass reviews and you could use all the help you can get in that class. The mature thing to do would be study on your own, but the bar specials on Tuesdays are pretty much mandatory, which leaves you with her. And the only way you can get that bitch’s help is if you keep pretending to somewhat like her even though she’s the worst human to walk the earth, hence why Dr. Slapdick loves her so much.

You finally get to yell, “DRINK BLEACH REBECCUNT!” And it’s never felt better.

Finals for the win, ironically considering none of us want to take them either.

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

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