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Meet The World’s Worst Nun

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A nun in Italy gave birth over the weekend — you know, the kind of nun a nun who vowed celibacy and married God, and unless someone can produce a birth certificate that cites the Big Man Upstairs as the father, that kind of nun had a human baby. Tisk, tisk. There are a lot of jokes that could be made right now, and I’m fairly certain that each one of them is more offensive than the last. When it comes to religion, people get touchy. And you know…feely, as well, depending on the faith and the age of the accuser. Oh. Too far?

If you’ve ever seen Saved!, the controversial religious teen comedy, starring Mandy Moore and Jenna Malone, you’ll recognize this quote from the opening scene:

I know this is wrong, but do you ever wonder if she (The Virgin Mary) just made the whole thing up? I mean, it’s a pretty good one. It’s not like anyone can ever use virgin birth as an excuse again… I don’t really think she made it up, but I can understand why a girl would.

Alright, fix your panties and unruffle your feathers. No one is claiming (or, at least I’m not claiming) that Mary made up that God was the father of her baby. But, as Saved! pointed out, true or not, the story was so good that it could only be used once. ONCE. So this nun is pretty shit out of luck when it comes to explaining how she wound up knocked up and subsequently a “Holy Mother of (insert name of bastard child here).” She claims not to have known that she was pregnant, which seems almost…oh, I don’t know? Unbelievable. Though, in her defense, as someone who has experienced a pregnancy scare a time or two, the power of denial is a pretty powerful thing. Unfortunately for this gal, her experience did not end with the “All clear. Drinks tonight?” text. Instead, it ended with a baby and a whole lot of explaining to do.

[via BBC]

Image via Chelsea of New York

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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