Meet New York City’s Oldest Douche

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New York City has a reputation for being filled with some rough assholes, and you could even go as far as call some of them douches. There are foreign douches, Yankee baseball douches, young douches, and a few old douches.

But an ancient douche? That’s some news.

Archeologists found a 200-year-old douche after unearthing a trash dump about two centuries old near New York City’s City Hall. The pile was about six feet deep and it was filled with alcohol bottles, food waste, and other signs of a 1800s rager. When they first came across the douche, they thought it was a spice grinder or possibly a needle case. The object is crafted from mammal bone, so it was obviously an expensive and probably cherished possession.

It took some time, but eventually they realized it was a douche. A bona fide doucher, if you will.

Douching apparently was the thing to do in old New York. Women used them for cleaning purposes, as a sex toys, and even as contraception. They would fill the douche up with different combinations of mineral, root, bark, and plant astringent and shoot them up their baby canal.

I’d just like to take a quick break and thank whoever invented the pill, the IUD, the patch, and the shot, because shooting tree roots up my vag makes me want to vomit or cry–or both.

Anyway, this isn’t a groundbreaking discovery by any means, but how many times do you come across a 200-year-old douche? Think about it. The woman who used this douche could have boned William Henry Harrison in his prime (I wonder if he lasted longer than he did as a president?), or even James Madison (rumor had it that he was a huge fan of douches). Whatever the case may be, this is one famous douche. Thanks, New York.

[via Huffington Post]

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Hakuna Moscato

Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.

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