When I think of my future wedding proposal (LOL) I can honestly say I have no idea what I want. Maybe it’s my jaded past or lack of Pinterest wedding boards, but when I visualize some poor guy asking me to wash his skid-marked underwear for the rest of our lives, it usually just involves some type of buffalo chicken sandwich, a blue Tiffany box, and me sporting either yoga pants (most likely) or an extremely sexy yet somehow still tasteful dress in which my body looks rockin’ because I magically lost, like, 20 pounds and my life is perfect. But whatever. It’s no big deal.
What I do know, however, is how I would NOT want to be asked.
There are a lot (and I mean A LOT) of proposals that circle around the Internet. Most of them are adorable and lead to an hour of crying, wondering why no one loves you, and eating an entire pizza alone. Sometimes, however, you come across a rare gem that is so embarrassing, so cringeworthy, and so absurdly painful that your insides quiver with glee at the idea of being fiancé-free.
Get ready, friends, because I have found THE proposal.
Just when you thought people had finally let the “Frozen” thing go, a 23-year-old MAN proposes to his 22-year-old girlfriend while pretending to be the characters from the recent cult classic.
Feeling better about life yet?
Now, for full disclosure, I haven’t seen the film, mostly because I’m not prepubescent and I like watching shows with sex as opposed to singing snowmen. I have a good idea of what it’s about, though: two sisters who hate each other and fight but eventually become besties and someone falls in love–but wait! He’s actually a shitty person, but it’s okay because there’s someone else out there and everyone is happy in the end.
So, basically it’s a Taylor Swift song.
And Brian Davis, who, in true TSwift fashion, “knew he wanted to marry [Michelle Seguin] the day after he met her,” decided to make Seguin’s romantic, childlike dreams a reality and turn her into a princess. Princess Anna, to be exact.
And, as expected, it’s fucking crazy.
He had custom-made costumes created to replicate the clothing worn at Princess Anna’s coronation, thanks to the help of Seguin’s mother, who estimated her daughter’s size. Because having your boyfriend find out your exact measurements isn’t your worst nightmare or anything, especially since, like, yes, Sir Mix-A-Lot, I am 5 foot 3, but no, I’m not 36-24-36. Thanks.
Then, the location. Sadly, because there are relatively few castles in America since, you know, it’s America, he had to settle for a mansion inn that resembles a castle. Yeah, that’s really the best Denver has to offer.
On the big day, Davis told his bride-to-be to meet him for dinner to celebrate their four-year anniversary (FML). He had her dress waiting for her at her house (because the true sign of any good relationship is having him tell you what to wear) and then he told her to meet him at the pretending-to-be-a-castle location. Once she arrived, she waited outside IN THE HEAT OF THE SUMMER for her boyfriend to make his entrance.
And, naturally, he rode up on a horse. But, like, when you’re functioning adults in society who are wearing clothing from an animated children’s movie, you kind of have to include a horse.
And, because they went to see “Frozen” on a date and both loved it (pretty sure he’s lying) and because life is confusing and makes no sense at all whatsoever, she said yes when he proposed.
She also said yes to an embarrassing, lip-sync version of the song “Love is an Open Door,” which is how the two announced their engagement to their friends, family, and people who will inevitably block them from their social media timelines.
As for the happily ever after? Considering the fact that Davis dressed up as Prince Hans, I give the marriage one family dispute and an ice storm before it melts.