Mailbag: I Don’t Know How To Be Sexy

How to be sexy

Hey there!

First of all, I just want to say that I love, love, love, love, love, love all your articles at TSM!

I was hoping you could help me out. I have a question: Am I having sex wrong? I have a boyfriend, and I really love being with him, but lately I feel like he’s becoming uninterested. He’s mentioned before how he wishes I would initiate sex, since he’s always the one who has to. It’s not that I don’t want to sleep with him, I guess I just don’t know how to be “sexy” in the bedroom. So please, tell me what do I do to turn a guy on in the sexiest way possible?


Ah, classic question. For some reason people seem to think that I’m a total slut who knows everything about sex. Maybe it’s because I’m a total slut who knows everything about sex. Anyway, this isn’t uncommon. My friends ask me all the time “how do I have good sex? How do I make him want me? Blah blah blah.” And honestly? It’s super easy. And since we all dream of being the best (or at least better than his ex), I’ve decided to throw a few bones your way and help you, well, bone.

Sex Tip 1: Never Underestimate The Power Of Dance.
And no, I don’t just mean lap dances. Throw on some music and dance around like you would with your friends. You don’t have to be “traditionally” sexy. Do the robot. Throw some body rolls in there. Do the moves from your sophomore cheer routine. Don’t think about whether or not you look silly, just have a damn good time. Not only will you seem fun, but you won’t seem like other girls, which is basically the dream. Besides, just watching you let loose and shake your hips around will instantly get a standing ovation. And yes, I mean from his penis.

Sex Tip 2: Think Like A Dick.
If you were a penis, what would you want? Would you want to talk about your feelings? No. You wouldn’t. You’d want some girl to make intense eye contact, do some heavy breathing, and act like your cock is the best cock in the world. It’s easy, just remember: Think like a penis.

Sex Tip 3: A Casual Brush = A Casual Boner.
Cooking dinner? “Accidentally” brush that dick. Bending down to pick something up off the floor? Oops! Your skirt rode up a bit. He’s working on something? Come up behind him and give him a casual kiss on the back of the neck. Basically all of the dumb cliché shit you see in movies actually work. Because men literally are a cliché.

Sex Tip 4: Stop Thinking.
If you have to wonder, “am I having sex right” then I promise you, you’re thinking too much. Sex requires no thinking. Actually, the less thinking, the better. Don’t lay there wondering if the lighting is right or if your boobs look good. The lighting will never be right and he will always think your boobs look good. Don’t think about fat rolls, what your face looks like, or if you finished that English assignment due at midnight. The sexiest thing you can do is be in the moment.

Sex Tip 5: Be Selfish.
It’s the oldest trick in the book: Think about yourself. If you’re concentrating on your pleasure, you won’t be worrying about what he wants. So let loose. You’ve wasted so many opportunities wondering how he feels, what he wants, and if you’re doing it right. It’s time to get your orgasms back. I know it sounds lame and feel-goody but it’s true. The sexiest thing a woman can be is happy, confident, and fulfilled. You know what they say, “happy girlfriend, happy genitals.”

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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