Recently my boss, the one and only Veronica Ruckh, ranked the Kardashians. While I agreed with most of what she said, I was floored to see Kris Jenner ranked second after Khloé. While yes, I can see why she might be the obvious choice — new hot bod, funny, has the least vocal fry out of all of them — the real number one from the ever-growing Keeping Up With The Kardashians clan isn’t even a Kardashian. It is the one and only Queen Kris Jenner.
She birthed the entire family.
This glaring fact should be proof enough. Without Kris, we’d be living in a world without Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, Rob, Kendall, and Kylie. While some could argue that’s a good thing, those people are haters and I don’t acknowledge them. Kris is the glue that keeps everyone together. She even
puts up with defends Rob through all this Blac Chyna (*googles how to spell Blac Chyna*) drama. She may as well be a saint (not to be confused with the infant West) for that.
There’s a Kris Jenner reaction photo/gif for anything.
It’s time to face the fact the Khloé isn’t the only funny one. Kris is hilarious, and we can’t ignore it anymore. With almost ten years worth of KUWTK footage, there’s more than enough proof. If you have an emotion, there’s a Kris Jenner reaction gif for that. There is absolutely no texting situation in which you can’t find an appropriate Kris photo/gif.
That feeling when you flawlessly execute the rap part of a song? Got ya.
Get a bad test grade back after a night of studying, and you’re trying not to go off on everyone? You’re set.
I'm not stupid either. pic.twitter.com/WlR9KgRNyu
— Myleeza Kardashian (@MyleezaKardash) May 2, 2016
Can’t find the corkscrew? Boom.
She’s self aware.
Where there’s fame, there are haters. Kris sees all of it. She sees the “why are these bimbos famous?” comments. And you know what she does? Cries all the way to the bank to cash a few million dollar checks.
Kris knows she and her family are famous for “doing nothing.” She embraces it. And honestly wouldn’t you want to be famous for existing too? The answer is yes, yes you would.
She’s the grandma you hope you’ll be.
Not only is she a cool mom. She’s a cool grandma. Your grandma knits while watching Jeopardy, Kris walks red carpets in couture and parties with rappers.
Let’s not forget she’s still just as hot as ever. Remember that “Trap Queen” music video she did? GILF. Kris has a hot rebound boyfriend and is more stylish than you’ll ever be. I can only hope to have it going on like that at sixty. That’s the same age as Bill Nye. Bill Nye!!!
She started from the bottom, now she’s here.
Want to know why the Kardashians are actually famous? I’m going to stop you right there, because no, it’s not Kim’s sex tape THANK YOU VERY MUCH. It’s all thanks to Kris working her ass off.
She is the momager of a lifetime. We all want to shake our heads in judgement, but wouldn’t you want a mom who supported you at your rock bottom? Wouldn’t you want your mom to help you turn your lemons into lemonade? That’s what I thought.
Move aside judgmental losers. This is a normal, functioning, loving, supportive mother and you’re just going to have to accept that.
Image via YouTube