Say it ain’t so, Kimmy, say it ain’t so.
It’s a sad day indeed for all of America. Whether you genuinely enjoyed watching the Armenian-American sex tape star turned mega mogul go about her daily, scripted life, or you just enjoyed making fun of her inability to even remotely get in touch with reality, I think we can all agree that the past few years we’ve kept up with Kim Kardashian, and they were years well spent. We watched her go from the virtually unknown girl who used to do cocaine with Paris Hilton and let Brandy’s brother do a lot of unspeakable things to her, to being one of the most talked about, photographed, and Googled celebrities in the world. She showed us how to make couture tacky, and she laughed at all of us who tuned in to her E! wedding special and helped her make millions off of her 72 day long marriage to Kris Humphries.
Love her or hate her, Kim Kardashian has basically been the only reason anyone watched E! since her (and her family’s, I guess) reality show, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” aired in 2007. While I’m totally a bigger Kourtney fan than a Kim fan, I think it’s important to give respect where it’s due and recognize just how much Kim did for her entire family. If she hadn’t figured out how to hang out with famous people and make sex tapes with their brothers, her mother, Kris Kardashian-Jenner, the ultimate psycho bitch, would have never been able to figure out how to make a profit off of her family. I truly don’t know how the Kardashian empire is going to run without Kim, who was the reason for their ultimate success.
Sources blame Kim’s pregnancy and her relationship with Kanye West as the reason for her departure from reality TV. As a girl who was once no stranger at all to having cameras follow her every move, Kim recently revealed in an interview with DuJour magazine that she was ready for her life to head in a different, more private direction. Kim confirmed she would be done living her life for the camera, telling DuJour her boyfriend has, “taught [her] a lot about privacy.” She went on to say, “I’m ready to be a little less open about some things, like my relationships…I’m shifting my priorities.”
Clearly, this decision more than likely came from intense pressure from Kanye West, who is no stranger to media controversy. I can understand why he might not want his spawn to grow up under the spotlight, and I can understand why Kim would choose to be accomodating to the wishes of the father of her child.
What does this mean for the Kardashian empire? Is their reign finally over? I imagine somewhere in Calabasas, Kris is pulling her hair out trying to find a way to salvage the family name. Maybe she’s busy prepping either Kendall or Kylie (I still don’t know the difference) for their very own sex tape debut in an attempt to keep the family relevant. Maybe she’s trying to find a way to force Rob to get his shit together and stop fucking around with his sock line. She’s probably making frantic phone calls to Ryan Seacrest at this very moment, anxiously awaiting what could possibly be in store for her fame-whore children.
I hate to say it, but I really think the only future for entertaining Kardashian TV could rest on the shoulders of Kourtney, Scott, Mason and Penelope. Scott is basically the hottest guy in the world, and Kourtney is my idol. Perhaps they can become America’s new favorite family? Mason’s definitely cute enough to tune in to watch every weekend, and Penelope seems like she might grow up to be a real bitch.
Either way, I think it’s safe to say this is the end of an era for modern entertainment: after the ninth season of KUWTK, America will no longer be able to keep up with Kim, her stupid statements, or her fake eyelashes, and I’m actually really distraught by the whole thing. Bible.
Image via Associated Press