Lately, I’ve heard a lot about girls who “let the nice guy go,” because we are emotionally stunted and need to “learn to feel again.” That’s nice. It’s also bullshit. I’ve got the personal experience to back it up.
I spent a whole year in a relationship with the epitome of a “nice guy.” He was respectful, thoughtful, and loved showing me off to his friends and family. He sent flowers just because, left sweet voicemails, and wanted to hear about my day. He DDed for my drunk friends whenever I asked, was unbelievably supportive through the death of my grandfather, and never once complained about anything. I never doubted for even one second that he really loved me. In the end, though, none of his “nice guy” qualities mattered–deep down, I didn’t love him the way he loved me. I let it go on for a year. I convinced myself I loved him because “he’s such a good guy,” and “he would be such a devoted husband and father down the road,” and “he treats me like a queen!” I told myself I would be foolish for dumping him when he was so incredibly good to me, that I shouldn’t let him go, because what if no one is ever this good to me again? I told myself all of this uneasily, knowing deep down that that spark, that magic we feel when something’s truly right just wasn’t there. We lie to ourselves about all sorts of things, but lying to yourself about your own feelings when someone else’s feelings are involved is just wrong. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being in love.
Sure, it was a fantastic year full of fancy dinners, jewelry, sweet notes, and incredibly thoughtful gifts. I look back on it with the slightest regret, because I was trying to force myself to feel something that wasn’t there. It’s okay, and sometimes it’s necessary to let the nice guy go. This open letter claims that girls favor assholes and walk away from nice guys because they’re too nice. Excuse me, but what? Walking away from the nice guy is incredibly hard, because he’s so damn nice. Because he’s never done anything wrong, he’s harder to walk away from than any asshole. There’s no “good riddance” feeling when you break up with a nice guy. There’s guilt. But there shouldn’t be. You should never feel guilty for being honest about the way you feel. And trust me, there’s a nice guy out there who will also give you wowzers in your trousers. He’ll be the reason you wake up with a smile on your face. Don’t settle–find him.