It’s Time To Stand Up For Your Right To Oral


College is a point in your life when it is perfectly acceptable to eat out all the time, and to get eaten out all the time. That’s right ladies, and you deserve to be devoured like $5 calzones on a Thursday night. I feel like women often take this for granted. We are not like men, who blatantly seek blowjobs out whenever they come in any contact with females. They’re never afraid to ask, and women shouldn’t be either.

I realize that “suck my dick” seems easier to say because it has become somewhat of a casual statement that is used to joke around often, while “Lick my pussy” sounds dirty and gives us all the heebie-jeebies. I get it, and I for one hate the “p-word,” just like 99 percent of the female population. However, shouldn’t we be able to make this demand of our male counterparts? After all, we choke down their business like it is our business, and often they do not bother to return the business despite the fact that we have a loyalty card and always support their business.

Hell, we are on their mailing lists, and get phone calls with deals when they have a load they need to move quickly. “Oh? It’s only going to cost us a 50 percent effort, and you will throw in a few beers? What a steal!” I still get text messages offers from “businesses” I do not remember giving my number to. They are super persistent, too, and solicit the shit out of you even if your days of shopping around are behind you and you have one particular supplier for all your needs.

My point being, boys just really know how to push their product. They are like the street vendors in New York City, and their dicks are like the knock-off handbags they aggressively push on tourists. Similar to street vendors, they also know how to pack up, and move out quickly once they have completed their transactions.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be more reserved when it comes to this subject matter. Often times we leave it up to the man to choose whether he wants to go down on us or not. However, we really need to take a lesson from the male determination for oral and we need to do it now. Your body is in its prime, and if you have ever struggled with getting a guy to go down under, it only gets more difficult with age.

Guys and eating a girl out is like kids and eating their fruits and veggies. When it is ripe and fresh you can usually convince them to eat it, but forget about getting them to chow down when it is showing any signs of aging. Like a child and a stalk of broccoli, he might make a stank face and say, “it’s icky,” or he will poke at it with his fingers and pretend like it’s the same thing as eating it (which, sorry bud, but it is not). You may even have to sweeten the deal with some whipped cream if you are feeling extra determined or just plain kinky.

You got to get ‘em to go down while your chances of success are still up, and college is certainly the best time for this. They are willing to try new things, they all pretend they are hot shots in bed, and plus your body is probably in the best shape of your life. So why shouldn’t you be getting as much oral as you can? Think about it: dudes in college still eat out (both pizza and you-know-what wise) on a regular basis, so capitalize on it before you end up doing all the work in both the kitchen and the bedroom.

Learn something from the boys, put yourself out there, and get it eaten while its still hot.

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