I’m here to start a petition to bring “Top Eights” back into our day to day lives. Most of you remember the MySpace Top Eight, easily the most quintessential way of representing who the eight most important, loyal, and special people in our lives are, or at least for this week. Top Eights presented your elite social cliques, middle school hierarchies, and told the world who you were talking to, even if you weren’t Facebook official yet.
With the demise of MySpace came the demise of Top Eight royalties, but I wasn’t ready to give it up then, and 10 years later, I’m ready for them to make a comeback. I’ve been calculating my personal Top Eight in my head for these ten, long years. Top Eights are just as passive aggressive externally as I am internally. With every drop in ranking, you’re letting your BFFs, friends with bens, and current crush know just where they stand and who is lurking behind to take their spot in your heart.
Life is constantly changing, and in this constant shit storm of a world, we are trying to keep friendships and relationships straight. We overanalyze every fight, every unanswered text, every time one of our friends doesn’t invite us to the get together. Everyone is afraid to tell someone how they really feel because they don’t want to be “dramatic” or “petty.” While I personally revel in these characteristics, there is a way to get all these points across without being dramatic or petty, and that is to bring the Top Eight back. Rachel didn’t invite you to drinks after work with the rest of the crew? Down the ladder she goes from #3 to #8. Luke has been texting you all week, but then you get snaps of him making out with grenades at the bar? Instantly kicked off your Top Eight. Without even saying a word, you have let them know that you, the best thing that has ever happened to them, are closer to giving them the cutoff than they think.
The concept still remains quite simple, and I believe it could be just as effective and fun as it was in middle school. Sunday nights were when I would sit down at my computer, reevaluate every life decision, every conversation, change my MySpace song to fit the week I had, and reorder my Top Eight. In today’s day and age, it would go something like this.
Number one in my heart, number one on my Top Eight. Katie was really there for me this week when I screenshotted her like, 17 text messages from a boy. She helped me decipher and respond to each of them. Best friend status.
Derek didn’t really do anything special this week, but he didn’t mess anything up either. We’ve been in a flirtationship for awhile, so I’ll keep him here to make him think he’s getting somewhere with me when he really isn’t. Number two is the first place loser, after all.
Now, Ashlyn would normally be number two, but she got mad at me this week for not answering her text, then she turned around a day later and ignored all my messages about Derek being annoying but not annoying enough for me to stop wanting his attention. Selfish, IMO. Demoted one spot.
Sabrina covered my shift for me this Thursday, so I could go to the social because she knew I had been planning my angel outfit since the beginning of the semester. Other than that, she’s alright. I’ll keep her in the middle.
In truth, I like Scott, not Derek. But Scott practices fuckboy tendencies, so I need to play the game. I want Scott to know that I’m interested, but I don’t want him to think he’s the only one trying to be the only one. Derek is a buffer, but Scott gets jealous easily. All a part of the plan.
Laura, dropped three rankings this week. She lives across the hall, but she also decided to run against me for Recruitment Chair. That bitch. I can’t let everyone else know I’m letting it get to me. I’m being a supportive friend and encouraging her to run against me, but this drop will let her know our friendship is definitely suffering.
She’s my cousin. Have to stick her in there somewhere.
Things are heating up with Justin. He’s got potential. We haven’t been friends for too long, which is why he’s at the end of the list, but it’s still good to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s beginning to stick in my mind. Let’s see if he starts moving up.
See, passive aggression at its finest. Letting everyone know where they stand with you without having to go into the excruciating detail of talking about your *feelings.* So let’s bring back the Top Eight, but never, EVER have a Top Sixteen, we all know you don’t have THAT many good friends..
Image via Shutterstock