Even if you’re attempting to hide it, there’s no denying that EVERY girl is at least a little bit “crazy.” Sure, maybe not all of you are as psychotic as my girl Britney (of the Spears variety) or I, but there are definitely some universal behaviors exhibited by all females that at one point or another serve as a definite red flag that we’re all a little insane. I’m not trying to say that all of us are boiling rabbits, but we’re all doing something that most guys would find a little nuts. If you can’t admit to this, you’re only lying to yourself.
I think crazy exhibits itself most in the earliest stages of a relationship, and incidentally that’s when it’s most crucial to hide it. You can be super brave and just come out with the crazy from the beginning, but I prefer to let it slowly seep out. I feel it’s plausible to deny the true degree of your insanity right off the bat, because everyone knows “she’s crazy” is just the universal excuse used by guys to describe ex-girlfriends. I think we display the highest level of psychotic behavior when we have minimal commitment from a guy. We really turn on the crazy shortly after meeting the new object of our affection. Luckily, since this is usually the time of least contact, it’s really easy to conceal the crazy.
Crazy Move #1: The Obligatory Stalk Fest
You’re a bold-faced liar if you try to say you don’t incessantly stalk every new guy you meet. In this day and age, I call it a safety precaution. Outside of Facebook, there’s Twitter, LinkedIn, and of course, my fave, Google, all of which allow us further insight into every aspect of your new man’s life. This scenario is great, because it basically negates the need to ask preliminary questions when your first date rolls around. Of course, you’re going to ask him questions such as “Where are you from?” and “What’s your major?” and “Did you play any sports in high school?” or “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” just to seem polite, but you already know the answers because of your pre-date stalking. It’s so easy to hide the fact you’ve done this by feigning interest when he answers the typical “getting to know you questions.” This also gives you a great chance to make sure he’s not trying to cover anything up. If you begin stalking too late into the relationship, it’s obvious, but if you do it before the relationship even starts, it’s deniable and normal.
Crazy Move #2: The Obligatory Summit With Your Girlfriends
You just met a guy who seems great, but you need to confer with your girlfriends before you can decide whether or not it’s a good move. After all, you wouldn’t just buy a skirt without asking your friends if it looks good on you, would you? Exactly. So what do you do? You find ways to stalk him without being too obvious in order to show him off to your friends. You can always resort to the more traditional methods, i.e. Facebook, but sometimes you need to get creative. I prefer the “secret video” option. I’m not kidding, I have a friend who has literally pretended to text while taking a video of a guy talking while she was on a date with him. She then proceeded to e-mail it to me so I could give her my rating on him. To the untrained eye, this might seem a little insane, but it’s actually super smart. You’re basically introducing your new guy to your friends without him realizing it, so it’s a really low-pressure scenario for all of you.
Crazy Move #3: The Over-Analyze & Think WAY Too Far Ahead Move
Okay, so after approximately two dates, 50 texts, and one makeout, you’re basically planning your wedding on Pinterest. Of course, you’re not telling a soul you’re getting this invested, but I think it’s safe to say we all play a game of “best case scenario” when we’re even remotely interested in a guy. I think it’s smart, actually. First of all, it shows optimism to go into any situation with a good attitude, and it also gives you insight to any potential negatives in the relationship. Is it a little crazy that you’re figuring out what your full name would be once you’re married to him? Maybe, but it’s also necessary. You don’t want to get too invested if your new monogram is something heinous, after all. At this point, you’re reading and re-reading every single text message you two have exchanged, trying to find some hidden meaning in it. You might seem crazy, but it’s fine, because nobody besides your besties need to know. They’ll be able to decode every cryptic message sent and let you know whether or not it seems as if he’s into you after all. Some people might think you’re jumping the gun and getting way too invested in someone you’ve known for about 72 hours, but I think you’re just being proactive. Maybe it might be a little crazy that you’ve planned out your entire future post-grad, but whatever. It’s not like you’re telling everyone about it, are you? No. You’re not telling a SOUL that you like to plan your wedding after your first makeout, because that would let them know you’re basically off the reservation. Instead, you’re doing a great job being a secret psycho. You’re also having the most fun, ever, in your imaginary relationship, so everybody wins.
Basically, it’s completely normal to come off a little too strong when you first start seeing a guy, just as long as you’re not up front about it to him. We ALL do these things when we first meet someone, it’s just best that we don’t let our new guys in on it. Ignorance is bliss. Perhaps if doing any of these things is pretty normal for most girls, they’re not crazy after all. Then again, if the straight jacket fits, add some heels and call it an outfit.