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It’s Only Slutty When GDIs Do It: It’s Science

According to a recent study done by old people who want everyone to feel badly about themselves The American Sociological Assn, if you are too slutty, people look down on you. I guess this is kind of common sense, but I sort of was under the impression that those feelings of maybe it’s time to stop making out with people just because I was drunk and our outfits matched only came after graduation, but no no…not true, college students think it’s bad to “hook up too frequently” too.

First of all, let me just say a thing. None of these things are defined correctly. To me “hooking up” means “I did anything, including the outside parameters, between a heavy make-out sesh with dry humping, and intercourse, but we’re not close enough for me to fully disclose the details so I’ll keep it vague” and “too frequently” is defined as “a girl I don’t like hooked up with at least one person in her entire college career,” or “a boy I do like hooked up with anyone who isn’t me.” So yeah, of course people look down on others’ hook-ups if you use the correct definitions. However, “hooking up” was described as “casual sex” and “too frequently” wasn’t defined so there is no barometer by which we can accurately measure whether or not we’re being judged by our peers. We just have to assume that we always are.

The most mind-boggling part is that students even look down on MEN for trying to plant their seeds:

One really surprising pattern was that 75% of students had egalitarian attitudes, meaning they held men and women to the same standard when it came to causal sex. But even though attitudes were more equal than not, they were relatively conservative. That means the participants lost respect for both men and women equally.

Sounds like a bunch of ugly girls and boys who are balls-deep in the friend zone got together to try and ruin the fun. The traditional double standard however exists for varsity athletes, who are pretty much celebrities on campus, so therefore they get a free pass and may continue to be the pooniest of warriors. So, at this point, some of you may be feeling down on yourself, but alas, I’ve yet to present the most surprising news: IT’S OK FOR SORORITY GIRLS TO BE SLUTTY. It’s true. In fact, sorority girls judge women less harshly for hook-ups, and men more harshly. Probably because if you’re in a sorority you know so many girls and you’re bound to have a slutty friend, so you realize sluts are people too…and because you decide every guy is a pig for his own endeavors and you know how grimey guys get in order to hook up. I still wouldn’t suggest like going out and being a big ho, because the rest of the world is still judging you, but the pretty girls, AKA the ones who matter think it’s A-Okay. (*puts up weak unsure peace sign*) Girl Power?

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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