Inappropriate Thoughts You Will Have About Your Professors This Semester

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We’ve all been there. It’s class. It’s boring. We’d rather sunbathe in the quad or day drink on the porch. But, alas, here we are, sitting stone-cold sober in class. It’s hard to keep your mind from wandering, especially with these wacky characters attempting to keep your attention on ancient Greek mythology or the importance of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle.

Here are a few of the inappropriate thoughts you’ll have during class this semester.

The Hot Guy Professor

  1. “How the fuck can someone that smart be so beautiful?”
  2. “Oh. My. God. Is he actually wearing a bow tie?”
  3. “I wonder what the rules are for student-professor relationships?”
  4. “I’d like to integrate the area under those dad body curves.”
  5. “Do you think BJs count toward extra credit? Just kidding. But really.”
  6. “I wonder if he’s married.”
  7. “Is it creepy for me to stalk his LinkedIn page?”

The Hot Girl Professor

  1. “How am I supposed to find a boyfriend when the guys are all drooling over the teacher instead of me?”
  2. “She’s totally just wearing that skirt for attention.”
  3. “I wonder if she still goes out?”
  4. “I mean, I would totally still go out if I had that body at 40.”
  5. “Maybe she’s on Tinder.”
  6. “If I was wrinkle-free and had a Ph.D. at her age, then I’d probably be dreaming.”
  7. “Seriously, though, are you a Banana Republic model or something?”

The Hipster Professor

  1. “I’m shaking my head ‘yes,’ but I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.”
  2. “I don’t really care about Confucianism, I just want my damn A.”
  3. “Whatever you’re saying, it sounds cool–but it doesn’t actually matter.”
  4. “You’re really going to wake me up at 8 a.m. so I can question whether or not love is real?”
  5. “Wow, I’m actually kind of getting this. It’s making me question everything, and it really makes me hate my life right now.”
  6. “Why did I even consider taking this class?”
  7. “Wait, we’re having class outside today? Okay, this could work.”

The Ancient Professor

  1. “I wonder how old you are?”
  2. “But really, though, you have to be, like, going on 100.”
  3. “I don’t think tenure applies anymore.”
  4. “You just repeated yourself…again.”
  5. “Did that girl just say he gives out take-home finals? Am I in heaven?”
  6. “What the fuck is that thing growing on your head? It’s definitely not hair.”
  7. “There is a ton of hair coming out of your ears, though. Gross.”
  8. “I don’t think I can actually look at you without fearing for my inevitable future.”

The Monotone Professor

  1. “You could literally make even Shark Week sound boring.”
  2. “How did you get this job again?”
  3. “I can’t tell if you’re mad, sad, sleepwalking, or just plain hateful toward life.”
  4. “Whyyyyyy did I choose today to forget my coffee?”
  5. “I’m never going to pass this class.”
  6. “Do you even read the professor reviews at the end of the semester? Does anyone?”
  7. “I would listen to you talk, but cruel and unusual punishment is against the law, and you, my friend, are just plain unconstitutional.”
  8. “There’s another section of this class with a different professor at 1 p.m.? And SOLD to the young lady in the back about to gouge out her damn eyes.”

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to

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