I’m Not Sure I’ve Really Ever Made A Decision In My Life

I'm Not Sure I've Really Ever Made A Decision In My Life

Being indecisive sucks. And this indecisiveness goes way past the joke we’ve all heard one million times about girls not being able to pick where they want to go eat with their boyfriends. Luckily for me, I don’t have a boyfriend, so I never have to pick, but I am still plagued with indecisiveness on a daily basis.

Sure, when I read a menu at a restaurant I get anxiety most times. You know, when you read the words on the page but somehow the words don’t make it all the way to your conscious mind. You are just reading aimlessly, and then you get done and have no idea of what anything is on the menu. But the indecisive gene doesn’t stop at restaurants, it’s only the beginning of this black hole that is how you can’t make up your damn mind.

Let’s talk about the little things. The necessities you need in life; shampoo, tampons, wine, makeup. Do you know how long it takes me to pick out which shampoo and conditioner I want? I will spend anywhere from 15-20 minutes starring at all the different options. All the different colors. All the different smells. Do I get the cheapest thing I can get my hands on? Do I continue to use Herbal Essences like I have since I was 12? Or do I try something new? At the end of the day, who freaking cares what kind of shampoo you use? But you better believe it will take me a year and a half to pick which one I want.

Tampons. Don’t even get me started. Do you get the travel pack or the regular ones? Do you get regular or super? Or even super plus??? I don’t want to stretch out my vag, but I also don’t want to change my tampon every two hours. Do you get 18 or 36? I know I buy tampons every single month, but there are a lot of factors that go into picking the RIGHT tampons. Last month my period didn’t last very long, but two months ago it was a slaughter house. Do I want to spend the money to buy in bulk or will it only last two days?

Wine. Actually, this one is pretty easy for me. Give me any bottle I see that is cheap. Moving on.

Makeup. For the love of God will someone teach me which foundation to get? Makeup is truly the demise of my existence. I watch makeup tutorials on Instagram like it is my job. I want to look like those baddies with flawless skin. I do research. I analyze every product. I look up reviews. Only to get to ULTA, know what I want to get, then spend an hour freaking out about which tone matches my skin. Do I get nude? Or tan? I know I’m not tanned, but I will be at the end of summer? Should I go lighter or darker? I don’t want to look orange, but I don’t want to look pasty either. I should ask someone to help me. Except, I have anxiety about asking people to help me. When will this nightmare end?

Now we can move on to the things that carry a little more weight. Like indecisiveness about jobs and love. I will apply for one hundred jobs at a time, and when they get back to me, I can’t decide if it is worth leaving my current job for. Leaving me in an endless cycle of being somewhat happy and exponentially poor.

And then you go on dates, which is already torture enough, but then you can’t decide if this guy has any potential. “He’s a little short and he doesn’t really have a job yet, but he is still in school so he’s not supposed to have a job yet. But what does he want to do? Does he have any ambition? What if that doesn’t work out for him? Is he even really cute enough for me?” You end up never doing anything because you can’t decide if you like them or not, which makes you think that you definitely don’t like him.

It is a quicksand of constant second guessing. It is a hell unimaginable to precise people. I would say that I hate being indecisive, but when I weigh the pros and cons, being indecisive makes you think long and hard about decisions and forces you to make your best ones. I can’t even decide if I like being indecisive. Someone please send help.

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