I’m Breaking Up With Foundation


It’s been a long, hard relationship. We’ve had our ups and downs, and I’ve certainly cheated more than a few times. But in my defense, he can be kind of an asshole to me too. We both tried to make it work, but in the end I think we outgrew one another more than anything else. So this is it. I’m breaking up with foundation.

I think it’s for the best, really. He was always weighing me down and controlling what I wanted to do. Go for a run? Nope. Swimming? Don’t even think about it. Dancing? Welcome to grease land, population: me. I would put so much effort into doing what he wanted me to do, between blending and buffing and even going as far as to use setting powder. But no matter how much I changed for him, he would never change for me. I used him at his worst, when he was encased in a cheap plastic bottle from the bottom shelf of the grocery. I even stuck with him at his best, blowing my bank account on fancy glass bottles and fancy brands. But you know what? No matter how he acted or how he looked, he still treated me the same.

And maybe I have changed, too. I used to need him like I needed vodka. He would dull my shine, hiding my red and inflamed face under his comforting layers only to expose me three hours into the night. But I clung to that initial safety, thinking that next time, it would be different. Next time, I would use more powder. Next time, I wouldn’t wrinkle my face so much. But after years of trying, I’ve realized I don’t need him anymore. My skin, while not perfect, has blossomed under his weight and developed into a clearer, healthier complexion. And for that, I thank him.

I’m still moving on, I think. But I’ve found a new guy in my life, and he treats me like a lady. Tinted moisturizer. He’s light, he let’s me be free, and he covers me on days when I just can’t face the world alone. He even treats me, leaving my skin hydrated and smooth. And, he likes to spice things up. He doesn’t mind if I bring some concealer into our relationship. While foundation would just fight and clump with concealer, tinted moisturizer welcomes the addition with open arms. I think I’ve found ~the one.~

And the best part? Tinted moisturizer understands that I need time. He knows that I may slip, and that I may be tempted by the old familiarity of my ex. But he welcomes me back each time with a smooth embrace. So I’m kissing foundation goodbye, once and for all. No more late-night rendezvous, no more drunken meetings. Beware of him, ladies. He’s a womanizer. Don’t trust a thing he says. He’ll take your money and your dignity, then leave you quite literally hanging to dry.

This featured image is a stock photo from our database. The people photographed are not in any way associated with the story.

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PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at (note the single PSL).

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